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Post by Rhiannon on Jan 12, 2012 21:50:00 GMT -5
this is my first post here, so if I put it in the wrong place please let me know thanx Black as coal, Dark as night. The fire within begins to burn. Burning brighter and brighter. Higher and higher the flames dance in the night air. Their dance as graceful as a waltz leading them to their final destination.
She has come to destroy the entity that has seeped into her mist. Burning. Turning. Never stopping, till this darkness is destroyed. It's soul bleeds as the flames lick at it's flesh and the fire consumes never ending. There will be no escape. He had dared to go against the one who was much stronger and powerful than he could ever imagine. He could never have fathomed how much power stood against him.
Her power had been dormant for over a century but he pushed and pushed till he finally pushed past the limit, He had pushed to the point at which there was only one thing she could do. It couldn't be held back any longer and the power within her erupted like a vulcano and destroyed what had pushed her this far.She did not care about the consequences anymore it was well worth the cost to be rid of the entity once and for all. ....... or was it?
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Post by RisYerg on Jan 13, 2012 1:48:54 GMT -5
Dark passions. Beautifully described. Inner power. Made me wish her success. Great piece! R.Y.
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Post by Rhiannon on Jan 13, 2012 3:09:45 GMT -5
Thank you Ris
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jan 13, 2012 21:43:25 GMT -5
You already know how I feel about this write from my previous comments elsewhere but I love the new structure. See what I mean about ease of read and how it changes the poem a little? I can think of a few more improvements but I’m torn. I love this poem and I want to make it mine by writing it as I would but I won’t make it mine. It is you and yours. The first strophe is so captivating and I do love the ending. Very good! :-)
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Post by Veritas on Jan 13, 2012 23:06:03 GMT -5
There is a heap of description, it would be a bit more accessable if a little more detail were present concerning the power which our unknown antagonist faces, in fact you may wish to create sister pieces telling of the origins...
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Post by Mikepoet on Jan 15, 2012 13:53:47 GMT -5
I get the Spanish Inquisition and witches burning at the stake as a part of this. It is unsaid but is a fact and is a flip like burn my sisters bitch how does it feel to burn. I gathered the revenge was from one who still witch hunted. It seems to me she gave him or her the enamy the chance to stop but the soon to be fallen was unwise and she got him back also it again seems to relate to witch hunts of the past and since she has lived so long then she would remember those bad times in history for she saw them with her own two eyes possibly. I like this write.
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Post by Rhiannon on Jan 18, 2012 20:24:02 GMT -5
Thank You Veritas for the suggestion, Its something I will work on
@ Mike it really just had to do with me being really really pissed off at someone and the argument we had was the straw that broke the camels back and led to the writing of the poem figured it was better to write than say something I'd regret later
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Post by Mikepoet on Jan 18, 2012 20:45:14 GMT -5
Odd how we write something and someone get some totally nothing to do with it thimg out of it. But still I enjoyed the read.
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Post by Rhiannon on Jan 18, 2012 23:09:26 GMT -5
I was just talking to Ed about that very same thing lol and thank you
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