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Post by RisYerg on Dec 22, 2011 11:34:30 GMT -5
Lightnings, a clanging pack, Hid into a black cloud. Yellow eyes sinister glimmering.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jan 9, 2012 19:52:29 GMT -5
Hey Ris.
Did you intentionally use an 's' at the end of lightning? Its not working for me, but maybe im just reading it differently.
This piece doesnt seem to have your usual oomf. Or ive just gone too long without reading... Feels like its been weeks since I sat down and read anything of yours.
What do you mean by "clanging pack"? Im not being negative, just curious.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jan 10, 2012 2:41:16 GMT -5
This does seem a departure from your usual clarity though I’m fairly certain I correctly interpret your relation of multiple lightning strikes to a pack of wolves. It is a bit awkward but I applaud the attempt and agree with your assessment. Both have a violent beauty and I thoroughly enjoy the sight of them both. I do like what you have done here. I hope I do not offend you in this attempt but your English is a bit awkward here and I wish to help make this more easily read and understood. Please pardon my arrogance.
“Lightning - a clanging pack, Hides in a black cloud. Yellow eyes - sinister glimmering.”
Gleaming may be a better word choice to replace glimmering but that depends on what you are trying to convey. The difference is subtle.
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Post by RisYerg on Jan 13, 2012 1:55:19 GMT -5
Hi! Well, I have to think too. R.Y.
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