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Post by Aish on Dec 10, 2011 22:21:29 GMT -5
Pay no attention. I'm just losing my mind; the parents suggested it all along.
Today’s chore list: Remove jeans from dryer, sculpt biscotti, sell my soul;
as if it had any value, and wasn't already bartered. Goodbye to no big thing.
One mass, held like a bird in a sweaty palm; sticky. Smooshie.
Don't squeeze too tightly. It may ooze off on you.
These postcard perfect snapshots may come in handy. Strung out properly they resemble order, or at least someone else's life. Arranged in pretty frames and garage saled to strangers, buttered up for a new set of lies.
Perfect. I can hatch. My unraveling tied up neatly, a bouncy pink bow on top. Just another bound volume forgotten and dusty shelved nondescript in the monogrammed living room.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 10, 2011 23:11:55 GMT -5
Very good though I get mixed emotions. A bit of morbid self reflection wrapped up with a pink bow on a leather bound novel. I’ve envisioned this too but without the pink bow. LOL I’m sure it is a great read though one to save for when I need a good cry.
“One mass, held like a bird in a sweaty palm; sticky. Smooshie.
Don't squeeze too tightly. It may ooze off on you.” –
Speechless but touched.
“Just another bound volume forgotten and dusty shelved nondescript in the monogrammed living room.” –
I know the feeling. Great ending.
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Post by RisYerg on Dec 11, 2011 4:43:01 GMT -5
Hello, lady! When I read works like this I have a difficulties with comment. Why? Because it's very powerful and my words can spoil author's thoughts. Probably "Don't touch it with your hands!" Great writing! And the first three lines you wrote about me ... Best regards, R.Y.
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Post by Aish on Dec 11, 2011 13:19:23 GMT -5
I adore you guys. Thank you both for the wonderful attentive comments.
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Post by Veritas on Dec 11, 2011 21:36:37 GMT -5
This is a new best. It has qualities tied together... One foot grounded in the earth, the other in thick ethereal puddles. .. Its very moving, it draws greart breaths of reality.
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urchin
Crimson Soul
Who needs hope when you are willing to stare at fate and stop this crusade?
Posts: 85
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Post by urchin on May 3, 2012 12:36:26 GMT -5
I just... This is beautiful.
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Post by sstruhar on May 4, 2012 9:44:14 GMT -5
in my opinion, you all need to stop being kiss-asses. no offence to the writer, but its a moderate poem, good, but not great. you guys should read in with the thought of the poem in mind, not the fact that the writer is an admin... (i mean no offence personally to the writer in this poem) and to the others that are just trying to get attention from this admin, stop trying so hard and just get on with your writings. you guys have to remember, even admins are just normal people like everyone else.
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Post by shamefulsean on May 9, 2012 20:56:57 GMT -5
Okay no one is gonna say it?! its RIGHT ALIGNMENT!!!!!!!! threw off no one but me, WTF! i love right alignment today LOL
Goodbye to no big thing. and this line ^ EPIC. sweet shame
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Post by shamefulsean on May 9, 2012 20:57:20 GMT -5
Okay no one is gonna say it?! its RIGHT ALIGNMENT!!!!!!!! threw off no one but me, WTF! i love right alignment today LOL
Goodbye to no big thing. and this line ^ EPIC. sweet shame
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Post by lewis82 on Aug 2, 2015 9:04:23 GMT -5
Great write! I like how you aligned it to the right hand side to add to the weirdness factor!
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Post by Aish on Aug 4, 2015 12:07:48 GMT -5
Thank you, lewis. Welcome to Dark Star!
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 6, 2015 18:36:40 GMT -5
Something I didn’t notice the first time I read this; I finally get it. I get the battered soul that no one wants to touch, the pieces of its life prettied up and sold off to strangers only to be shelved and ignored as a pretty piece of decoration in a room of decorations. What I missed was the transition of scattered pieces that suddenly turned up bound and tied into a pretty bow in the last stanza. When I noticed it this time I asked what brought them together again. They were just sold off to lying strangers. I know, it’s not really important, it just seems a transition was missing, but it isn’t important to the greater message that is; either way, scattered lies or bound up and tucked out of the way… Then it occurred to me that either side of the glass doesn’t look all that good and the title suddenly fit. - “Quintessentially Through The Looking Glass“ Clever And an old Bugs Bunny cartoon clip flashes through my consciousness; “I’m getting r e a l s-l--o---w.” I really had to think about that one. It didn’t even occur to me to look for the mirror but I found it anyway. One other thing; S3, L3 – “Goodbye to no big thing.” – What do you think of; “Goodbye to bad rubbish.” I think you’re trying to steer clear of the cliché but that is how I want to read it anyway. Great write. Three smiles and a
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Post by twistedangel on Aug 7, 2015 12:06:58 GMT -5
Liked this a lot, an open simpleness to it that's kinda easy for me to read an relate to I agree with LF on the title, tho not only clever, is actually very telling, suits the poem very well As for strangers..pffft..who cares ?
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Post by Mikepoet on May 2, 2016 14:25:18 GMT -5
Sounds like an attempt to accept some tjimg which is boreing but your lffe. you are significaant even though circumstances might seem different. the only constant in life is change
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