Devilish
Dark Initiate
feel me
Posts: 70
|
Post by Devilish on Aug 29, 2011 18:12:20 GMT -5
The next time mommy sleeps, you and I will play... So eat up all your dinner , and put your toys away. I'll creep into your room tonight and read you a bedtime story, after words i'll tuck you in, and we will do a little exploring. As daddys peepee starts to rise, you have to promise you won't cry. Sssss... see sweety... don't it feel good? Daddy loving you just the way he should! There now... I'm all the way in... Giving my little girl the best of daddys sin... Shhhhh, it's almost over, So don't you make a sound. As soon as i'm done nutting, I'll gently pull it out. Mmmmmm, the tightest little pussy, daddys little whore, This will all be just a dream, after daddy shuts the door. Sleep with the angels baby...
|
|
|
Post by Aish on Aug 30, 2011 0:56:02 GMT -5
I don't think you need your opening line. It threw me off a bit as I read further down. It's the perfect ending, though. The lilting nature of your rhyme makes it all the more harrowing, like a demented bedtime story one would read in hell.
|
|
Devilish
Dark Initiate
feel me
Posts: 70
|
Post by Devilish on Aug 30, 2011 1:07:35 GMT -5
Ok is there any way i can erase the opening line? cause after reading it i see your point... And thank you mam...
Ok I got it! Yeah! I figured something out by myself...lol... Thankful for you to help get me started! I was almost at the point of tears when i signed on... And I love these different faces there awsome! This site is amazing and im honored...
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 30, 2011 2:42:22 GMT -5
WOW! Ummm, wow! To say this invokes emotion is an understatement. Harrowing, demented, morbid, and dark indeed. You’ve done a great job. I like this as the ending myself; “after daddy shuts the door.”It has the feel of a perfect finish (shuts the door) and also ends with rhyming; “daddys little whore,”This combination makes a perfect end for this write. To me; “Sleep with the angels baby...”Feels like an afterthought. Like it should be stated after a long pause. Great write Devilish. I look forward to more and welcome to Dark Star
|
|
|
Post by RisYerg on Aug 30, 2011 3:22:20 GMT -5
It hits like an ax ... Nightmare ... R.Y.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2011 16:57:19 GMT -5
Wow! It was well written, smart rhymes, and it was morbid, and sad. It reminded me of this song by Korn called "Daddy"
Awesome work.
|
|
Devilish
Dark Initiate
feel me
Posts: 70
|
Post by Devilish on Sept 4, 2011 4:01:36 GMT -5
This is something I wrote when a young girl told me about what happen to her... Morbid, sick, repulsive and the man shud have been killed... Thank you for reading and your comment...
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Sept 7, 2011 0:35:10 GMT -5
"...and the man shud have been killed..."
|
|
|
Post by Lestuck on Nov 20, 2019 13:47:02 GMT -5
Viagra Alkohol Gefahrlich <a href=http://viaaorder.com>buy viagra</a> Will Keflex Treat Mrsa Achat De Misoprostol Viagra Alternativen Gegen Impotenz Und Erektionsstorungen
|
|
|
Post by Lestuck on Nov 20, 2019 13:49:13 GMT -5
Viagra Alkohol Gefahrlich <a href=http://viaaorder.com>buy viagra</a> Will Keflex Treat Mrsa Achat De Misoprostol Viagra Alternativen Gegen Impotenz Und Erektionsstorungen
|
|
|
Post by Lestuck on Dec 2, 2019 22:42:18 GMT -5
Viagra En Espana <a href=http://cialibuy.com>buy cialis</a> Cialis Per Dimagrire Bupropion Sr 150 Prix Cialis Suisse
|
|
|
Post by Lestuck on Dec 2, 2019 22:43:10 GMT -5
Viagra En Espana <a href=http://cialibuy.com>buy cialis</a> Cialis Per Dimagrire Bupropion Sr 150 Prix Cialis Suisse
|
|