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Post by Aish on Jul 22, 2011 6:51:53 GMT -5
Dedicated brilliance, martyrs and revolutionaries gathered and burned as kindling: true poets their liberated words rose, flickering embers flying heavenward -
a hum of pain, devotion and immortality.
Battle scarred, mount Moriah sings quietly, in hushed tones for boulders. For pilgrims, she is wild and untamed, creation unfolded.
She is beauty reclined, the living breathing jewel of the third new moon - the birthplace of the soul of the world.
Thronging armies seek to climb her. Artists scramble to anoint her bones. Lovers ignite in her gardens.
She summons our blood, eager as writhing serpents perfume wafting like incense from antiquity...
Yerushalayim.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 22, 2011 15:54:24 GMT -5
I had one critique but when I read the last word my heart stilled. Beautiful!
Don’t change anything.
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Post by Aish on Jul 22, 2011 16:08:04 GMT -5
Wow, thank you. I am not sure I did her justice, but I long for her in my very being.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 22, 2011 16:22:51 GMT -5
You did her justice. Ravaged and torn as she is it’s the love of people like you that keeps her alive and is what she has earned.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 24, 2011 22:46:57 GMT -5
That did not come out well. Here is a quote from a PM I sent Ris that is really what I meant;
"She has been through so much over many years. Ravaged, torn, and divided, but peoples’ love for her keeps her alive and rebuilds her every time. She cannot be lost to history as so many others have been. I want to see her with my own eyes before I die…"
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Post by Veritas on Jul 26, 2011 20:27:03 GMT -5
It is certainly not an abode of peace & honestly never has been, all else you put forth within thpiece is true poets warriors, scholars, holy men... beauty and evil go well, hand in hand. But peace... it is stratagem. War is the way of man. Take without giving & blame the other. Father hits child child hits brother brother hits another child. One day my neck will be wreathed in the teeth of man woman & child, should I fail in my task my punishment will remain the same. Peace... not even in death... or afterwards. Beauty of awrite though.
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Post by Aish on Jul 26, 2011 21:40:28 GMT -5
Hi there you! Abode of Peace is used two-fold: it is the meaning of Yerushalayim, and as you pointed out, it obviously is not peaceful, so is a bit tongue-in-cheek. Thank you, as always.
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Post by Aish on Jul 29, 2011 5:28:51 GMT -5
So, do I need to change it?
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 29, 2011 12:59:19 GMT -5
I must agree with Veritas and say yes on changing the title. I would not use her name though. Keep the reader guessing. Look it up and learn something if you don’t already know kind of thing. That is why I didn’t use her name in my replies. I will have to think on this to come up with a suggestion though.
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Post by Aish on Jul 29, 2011 17:44:33 GMT -5
No, Yerushalayim stays.
I am waivering in regards to changing it. She is what she is, and to me the very fact that outside forces keep her in tumult does not diminish her call or the feeling of being on her soil.
So, I guess that's my decision - thank you both for your input. I value your opinions, but the title stays.
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Post by atomicparakeet on Sept 15, 2011 1:36:30 GMT -5
Please PM me about this part
[the living breathing jewel of the third new moon - the birthplace of the soul of the world.]
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