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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 26, 2011 2:28:48 GMT -5
Dust of Dreams
Time passes Memory fades Confused in clashing With reason With pain With suppression They’re different now With each recalling They’re lies Lies must die
Twisting and drifting With others of kind Reds of pain Blues of sorrow Happy pinks Envious greens Tranquil yellows Coalescing In creamy colors Well mixed White With grey streamers Forming confused patterns Then dried
In flakey crust Pealing in sheets And minuscule flecks Lifting on winds of despair Whirling in my skull Clashing and smashing A grinding scour A bereft cleansing Ashes Falling like rain To deepest depths Forgotten Only to return As Dust of dreams
TheLonelyForsaken
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Post by Aish on Apr 26, 2011 2:32:27 GMT -5
There is haunting beauty here. Painful, tender, like a bruise. Scars can hurt and burn like fire, and not all wounds are healed by time. My friend, your ache is the soul of a poet.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 26, 2011 2:45:20 GMT -5
Thank you Chrys.
I know the potential is there. I just need to figure out how to channel it with better expression. This one is simple and it took me maybe tem minuets but I am agonizing over a couple of pieces. One in particular has deep meaning for me but my poor rhyming is still getting in the way. It starts well enough but then degrades into my usual juvenile rhyming crap. I’m tempted to post anyway but it’s huge. Too huge to expect anyone to tackle the numerous problems in an effort to try helping me with it. I’ve been working on it for a little over a weak so I’m sure it will get better with time.
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Post by Aish on Apr 26, 2011 2:50:12 GMT -5
We used to have a board for works in progress...we might have deleted it ages ago though. Those of us who are old timers truly don't mind rolling up our sleeves to help - if you would accept it. If you prefer you can email it to me. My email is listed on my profile.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 26, 2011 2:54:51 GMT -5
Thank you Chrys Your generosity is endearing and I will take you up on that offer but perhaps I should wait till morning. I don’t want o keep you up all night.
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Post by Aish on Apr 26, 2011 2:58:06 GMT -5
Mail it at your discretion. Just PM me to let me know so I can be on the lookout for it. I'm going to be up anyway, Fire walks with me
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Post by Veritas on Apr 26, 2011 13:42:16 GMT -5
I dig whats here but not in a coherent way. It's like having a vision. Flashes of images and underlying "symbology". -Lms
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Post by Aish on Apr 26, 2011 13:46:08 GMT -5
Haha!!! Touche!
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 26, 2011 13:52:31 GMT -5
Hi Veritas
You see with eyes wide open brother. You can count on finding double meaning, irony, and symbolism in all I do. but i often try to hide it.
Thank you
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Post by rosindubh on Sept 26, 2011 12:47:46 GMT -5
yes,i did enjoy reading this work. I think the first stanza was probably the best one for me,it would come very close to my own thoughts and thinkings during a good session. that said the whole poem was very good.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Sept 27, 2011 13:07:15 GMT -5
Thanks Veritas “I dig whats here but not in a coherent way. It's like having a vision. Flashes of images and underlying "symbology". -Lms” Actually you caught the image in my own head when I wrote this. I’m not sure how because I was not able to express it as I had hoped on paper but you did. :-)
Thanks rosindubh Good to see you here. :-)
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Post by Mikepoet on Feb 21, 2018 8:37:29 GMT -5
You are talent sir.
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