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Post by brokenwingedangel on Nov 15, 2008 19:54:06 GMT -5
step, step, step, she torpidly steps to lost branches of life, **lost branches of life.** her abdomen twisted from starvation.
a eerie ebon cast overtop, and doleful tears shed softly—
onto her face humid prior.
solely chance related, an acerbic alliance of a human and earthly condition. **negative the delicacy of sadden shed tears, fallen by terra**
wrists are slit with a constant gush of cherry flavored cells…
drip— drop.
closer, closer, closer— so close she can smell death’s breath infused in the air, but sadly… she doesn’t care.
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Lychalis
Demon Disciple
Into darkness travels a night heron's scream.
Posts: 368
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Post by Lychalis on Nov 16, 2008 18:13:43 GMT -5
fear, desperation, pain, final release. the sort of things I'm getting from this, a nice combination if you ask me. Why did you repeat 'Lost branches of life'? It seems unnecessary...
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Post by brokenwingedangel on Nov 16, 2008 19:57:10 GMT -5
thanks for reading, i thought this would be lost here and never found but anyways, um the repeated line is suppose to be a bibilical reference, the Tree of life, now reduced to mere branches. i like what you said you took from the piece, this piecce confused me at far but now i can kinda see what you mean.
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Post by Aish on Nov 18, 2008 16:59:36 GMT -5
I am also not fond of repeating that line, but I have to ask you, why it is you say Etz haChayim (the Tree of life) is reduced to mere branches?? Is 'ebon' supposed to be EBONY, or the Hebrew EBEN?? I am a little confused by your format - your "she's" point to an individual, yet at the end when you are referring to terra it seems you mean to invoke the Mother herself?? I am quite at home with a more mystical bent, but the concrete and the mundane sem to be overlapping somewhat unevenly here. Also, your phrasing has a rather odd quality that stops your flow, from incorrect grammar to highly stylized - and strangely placed - vocabulary.
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Post by brokenwingedangel on Nov 18, 2008 21:23:01 GMT -5
Well, I'm pointing blindingly at Time and how the end is near, that Tree of eternal breathes is down to its arms. Ebon does mean ebony. mi bad. Um, the theme is suppose to hint towards a female person and Earth, and the emotional state of both, in fact in this piece, I pretty much am talking about both— with more a turn toward terra.
onto her face humid prior
This line was mean to strike up a image, the exact image it expresses. (it seemed and seems weak grammatically correct)…idk, I am trying to fix my style on my on but if all else fails than I have to seek help. ***coughs*** from you, chry.
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Post by Kitten on Nov 18, 2008 23:49:47 GMT -5
lostcrystalrose, are you real? hahah cause I swear, reading your posts makes me feel like you're just pulling our leg
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Post by brokenwingedangel on Nov 19, 2008 17:50:37 GMT -5
and you mean what by that....
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Post by Kitten on Nov 21, 2008 14:47:24 GMT -5
I mean that your excessive fawning, indulgent self-importance in poetry and responses is like a carefully constructed on-line persona -- a caricature. And if this is really how you really, really are, then I will just sit back and enjoy the show.
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Post by brokenwingedangel on Nov 21, 2008 19:10:37 GMT -5
Lol. Wow. Any other day and I would’ve been crushed and went around through my daily life pondering how to change YOUR opinion essentially. But unfortunately, this is today, and today out of all days is a great day. I’ve got friends, laughter, poetry, and someone special. But I do feel compelled whether by your inconsistency of me or by the fact that I am supposedly >>>self-importance in poetry>>> that’s a funny. So briefly I’ll say, you don’t have to read my poetry or make any un-necessary remarks about me or my poetry, and if you do, if you do please I beg of you to be accurate. just be accurate, get to know me and then make you theories and whatnot, but anywho HAVE A NICE DAY and STOPPING Watching me, go see twilight!!! <<hehe, carefully construct, funny<<
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Post by Kitten on Nov 21, 2008 21:42:07 GMT -5
Lolz. The only reason why I said anything at all was because I was just terribly entertained, since you've been the only one more or less active lately I couldn't help but read! So I'm glad we both find each other funny but I'm sad that my small comment is capable of -crushing-. How fragile.
Oh and wtf is this twilight bandwagon. No a fan. And yes I can say that, just like you can say anything you want, that's how this world works.
Cheers!
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