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Post by ladysilverwolf on Feb 3, 2008 3:55:14 GMT -5
The Huntress
You are the Huntress. Weaving in and out of the trees. Moving swiftly and silently before the rest. Running like the breeze Beautiful and strong You stand proud Your fur is white and long. You sound your cry out loud. Lonely you are Like the last star in the morning sky. Away from home………………..so far As far as the Eagle can fly. Forever your call shall sound. Until your beauty is found You shall be gone soon.
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Post by Yossarian on Feb 9, 2008 15:42:27 GMT -5
The title of the poem is "The Huntress," and you refer to your subject (I'm guessing a wolf?) by this name; yet this is the only mention of a hunt or a predator/prey conflict in the poem. Like it or not, the way you set this up makes it a fairly dominant theme in the poem, and one that is left unexplored. I think if you try to build on that idea (perhaps incorporate images from the hunt? "Huntress" also implies a regal or powerful standing, which you also only touch on once [in the third line], so you could maybe work with that some) you'll have a much more engaging poem.
This feels a little awkward to me. Also take a look at your placement of periods; you have a lot of fragments in here.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Feb 14, 2008 12:55:50 GMT -5
I agree with Yoss, especially with his comments on that line in the middle.. I honestly stumbled over it and had to re-read it a few times to get it straight. Basically once that happens you lose the mood of the poem(at least thats how it works for me.) The wolf is a subject written upon often. When you take up an idea like this you need to make sure youre bringing something creative and unique to the table, otherwise it will be too much like poems that have come before it. Your piece has potential, just need to work at it a bit more. Sometimes if i have an idea i really like ill write down a few words to describe it, then come back to it a few different nights in different moods. One of the attempts always comes out beautiful and natural
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