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Waste.
Feb 23, 2008 20:02:07 GMT -5
Post by vilebitch on Feb 23, 2008 20:02:07 GMT -5
I'm just starting to write so, tell me what you think. All of it was a waste filled with haste. Don’t f*cking speak to me you fake! I hate you. I gave you everything and you destroyed it. I don’t even have a heartbeat. Rip out my soul and feed it to the hole you created. Do you feel better now? You’re a prick with no dick. I should have listened to what i was told. I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to keep above all. Show you how i really cared. And it was despair that held you to your chains. That whore she didn’t even deserve your tears. You hide in fear, afraid to take a chance. Look at you there with your hands in your pants of the past. The past is gone and so am I. f*ck the lie you told me. Be bitter and cold. Stand there with your soul to the ground. See if I care. [/i]
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steinbergm
Dark Initiate
i dont bite....hard
Posts: 64
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Waste.
Mar 2, 2008 23:43:47 GMT -5
Post by steinbergm on Mar 2, 2008 23:43:47 GMT -5
reminds me of a past boyfriend i once had ... he like to beat me up. good for you fuc^ him! i like the anger in this peice. you got a pritty good start on things but anger and romance isn't the only thing to write upon. keep it up.
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azazel
Crimson Soul
"Killing is killing whether done for duty, profit, or fun."
Posts: 172
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Waste.
Mar 15, 2008 2:04:57 GMT -5
Post by azazel on Mar 15, 2008 2:04:57 GMT -5
You exceeded my expectations... It's nice to see that even though your new to writing that your no stranger to punctuation, its a rarity around here. Personally I would have taken this into the tabboo's of murder and torture but you painted a pretty good picture non the less. My advice to you though, is to check out the vast styles of writing here and expirement a little to find your niche. I look forward to seeing your talents grow!
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