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Falling
Mar 8, 2008 21:41:13 GMT -5
Post by emokid357 on Mar 8, 2008 21:41:13 GMT -5
I sit here on the edge of my bed. Thinking of everything, I'm on the edge of an open pit about to fall, about to die, I think what will happen but i don't know why? Everything from the past is getting in my way will i die? will i survive? This hell i live, no one to love no one to care for. What is the point of living life. I fall i die, I stand i survive. There is no hope now for the boy who is about to fall.
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azazel
Crimson Soul
"Killing is killing whether done for duty, profit, or fun."
Posts: 172
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Falling
Mar 15, 2008 0:44:48 GMT -5
Post by azazel on Mar 15, 2008 0:44:48 GMT -5
I enjoyed the despair within your poem although suicide is a way overdone theme in poetry these days. I think you should use more colorful words to spice this up a bit better.
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sleepingbeauty
Dark Initiate
All I Feel Now Is The Blade Of Your Knife Caressing My Heart
Posts: 8
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Falling
Mar 16, 2008 13:39:50 GMT -5
Post by sleepingbeauty on Mar 16, 2008 13:39:50 GMT -5
Yes, Everyone writes about suicide... but just don't do it... it usualy doesn't work and it just makes your life even worse. Very well done, lots of emotion. I've acctualy thought the same thing...
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Crimson Angel
Dark Initiate
My day fades to dust as I wake.
Posts: 21
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Post by Crimson Angel on May 2, 2008 6:07:38 GMT -5
Same here, suicide is an over done theme. Other than that your poem was depressing, which I enjoy!
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Falling
May 27, 2008 15:16:05 GMT -5
Post by Keira on May 27, 2008 15:16:05 GMT -5
I really enjoyed your piece of work. It was nicely done.
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Falling
Jun 7, 2008 14:51:06 GMT -5
Post by 2standalone on Jun 7, 2008 14:51:06 GMT -5
really good.. kiu
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