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Post by Sedative on May 30, 2008 10:58:09 GMT -5
Taste, that brings pleasure to your mind Her eyes, which see the colors of lines To birds, who flutter through the sky and eyes, which look away I do not wish to leave this place where I can sleep all day if I wish and although I am a pessimist At least occasionally I can feel The sting of snakebites on my arms And know that I am never going back It goes further and further in my vein Until within me, she grows another face this face cannot look back but looks ahead Into the ending, into death The song of pride and hatred's charm Warms my skin with sweet liquidation It goes further and further in Until my mind is confused again I cannot seem to evoke this angel of fire Yet I can still feel him, he's bleeding desire
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Post by _black phoenix_ on May 31, 2008 10:22:48 GMT -5
Im feeling a little lost on this piece.. Seemed like you were skipping from subject to subject before getting into enough detail or transition. Might just be my cloudy morning brain, but Id like to hear what inspired this piece to get myself fully on the right track.
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Post by brokenwingedangel on Jun 10, 2008 18:11:51 GMT -5
you have very vivid details, and a very good way with concepts. The only fault in the piece that you started in a particular way but strayed after that. Still, i liked it.
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