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Post by larissa on Jun 12, 2008 3:10:19 GMT -5
Slowly it drips Making its way down the inevitable path Flowing Breathing My skin weeps heavy red tears The crimson lovely against the pale cream I see my feelings laid out on my body One line after another Bright hues flash before my eyes Pain, its own form of ecstasy, brings me to ascension I am above this You do not hurt me Dully I stare down at myself The dependability of the blade brings about a sense of relief This hurt grounds me Shows me I’m still here I lay out all my discretions All my fears All the incredible suffering you put me through I etch it on my arms, my thighs, my breasts Is it only my body that you hold dear? My temple that you have encroached upon How will you praise it once desecrated? Little blade, it is you who are my dearest friend You speak truth without sound Pain is all I feel and pain is all you bring My lashes are heavy My gaze downcast Emptiness I am hollow A shell Tap me and hear the resounding echo At this point sleep eludes me Revulsion stirs my stomach Try as I might my mind dredges up memories best left buried Disappointment, be my bedside companion and I will keep you satisfied You must be well satiated at this point
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 13, 2008 10:05:32 GMT -5
Welcome to DS. Let me know if you need help with anything.
Im going to be completely upfront with you with my feedback, Larissa.
There were many parts in this poem that felt cliche to me.. Many parts that have been said before. Using common lines like "Little blade, it is you who are my dearest friend" take away from the poem since all personal feeling in it has been stripped from the poets who used it repeatedly before.
This is a very difficult subject, since so many have written about it. In my honest opinion, it takes a lot of work to give this theme a unique and personal feel and im not feeling it from this poem.
I am sure that a few people will reply that they love this because they can relate. I cant relate.. And I dont feel your emotions. Ive been reading and writing dark poetry for years.. Id love to see a new spin on this subject or at least something that draws me in more.
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