alekiel
Dark Initiate
never there....
Posts: 55
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Again
Jun 11, 2008 12:04:56 GMT -5
Post by alekiel on Jun 11, 2008 12:04:56 GMT -5
again if breathe again... if lived again... if cared again... then.....again i could of dreamed... again i could have seen... again i could of, care... again i could of, share... again i could of, cry.. again i could of, smile... again and again... Until the death....sweet ..sorrow... ends
by Alekiel
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Again
Jun 11, 2008 17:09:33 GMT -5
Post by jyrascarn on Jun 11, 2008 17:09:33 GMT -5
Melancholia now belongs to you, alekiel. Your output has put me out of my depression. Thank you
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alekiel
Dark Initiate
never there....
Posts: 55
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Again
Jun 12, 2008 5:24:50 GMT -5
Post by alekiel on Jun 12, 2008 5:24:50 GMT -5
Your wk`
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Again
Jun 13, 2008 10:19:48 GMT -5
Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 13, 2008 10:19:48 GMT -5
The use of "again" worked really well in my opinion. Im going to nit-pick cause I know you like it. "if breathe again..." --> If I breathe again "than.....again" --> then again "i could of dreamed..." --> I could have "i could of, care..." -- I could have cared "i could of, share..." --> I could have shared "i could of, cry.." --> I could have cried "i could of, smile..." --> I could have smiled Awesome ending. The spacing was really effective in my opinion.. Gave it a very stop-and-go feel. Nice work, alekiel.
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alekiel
Dark Initiate
never there....
Posts: 55
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Again
Jun 15, 2008 15:10:30 GMT -5
Post by alekiel on Jun 15, 2008 15:10:30 GMT -5
thx
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