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Post by disconekro on Jun 27, 2008 21:04:27 GMT -5
I am laying here on the cool tiles of my bathroom floor. The air is still thick with steam and the mist from it is starting to settle on my already wet-slicked body. All the beads of wetness grow cold quickly and absorb, all those except for the distinct path down my temples. The warmth from my tears shocks my skin again and again as they roll over my eyelids. What is wrong? I took a shower hoping to relax myself. Why am I crying again? No, I don't want to think about it. Not again, I'd rather not think and be empty than have to relive that bitch of a memory. Be calm, don't think, close your eyes, everything is alright. I don't need anyone. I can figure this out by myself. My hands wrap around my shoulders and nails press into my skin. The harder I press down the more that I realize that this is my center. The slight pain, the reality of being able to feel. The firmness of my hands and the stinging from my fingers keeps me here, grounded. This is my reminder that I can't float away into nothingness. This is my life and no matter how hard it is sometimes God has blessed me with it for a reason. I need to just breath and get over it. The moist air feels amazing as it fills my lungs. My grip relaxes to a tickle as I trace my nails down my arms. The breeze coming in from the window plays with my hair and brings goosebumps across my skin as I decide to pick myself up and put on some clothes. I can do this.
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Post by Aish on Jun 29, 2008 13:20:55 GMT -5
Ok, as far as train of consciousness/journal/blog entry - this is cool. However, if the intent was poetry, then may I make a few suggestions?? Some of the verbage is unnecassary and can be whittled down in order to make a larger impact while still staying true to the nature of the piece. Example:
{I am laying here on the cool tiles, air steamy thick and moist, mist settling on my already wet-slicked body.
Beads of wetness grow cold quickly and absorb, except for the distinct path down my temples.}
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Post by 2standalone on Jul 2, 2008 11:21:42 GMT -5
I dont know why but for some reason, this alienated me.. the concept is stated well enough. I think its the format.. its hard to read like this..maybe make some seperate paragraphs??
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