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Post by brokenwingedangel on Jun 26, 2008 19:29:08 GMT -5
utter peace dwells in death, serenity is cloaked in darkness… but somehow light is given sole credit.
hours of darkness stretch unwanted apathy towards barren carcasses…
and softly why is ask by nothingness but from the depth of luminosity an answer is bestowed— saying “perhaps the pure reason is, that immense interest is placed on the pedestals of luminosity.”
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 27, 2008 2:38:01 GMT -5
Several sentences dont make sense as they currently sit. You either need to change spacing, punctuation, wording, or all three. As an example, "and softly why is ask by" in the third stanza is incoherent.
What makes you start new lines where you do? They impair your flow dramatically in my eyes. If you want your readers to read as you would speak the poem aloud, make sure to put stops where you would actually take pauses in your reading, otherwise your spacing will just throw them off.
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