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Post by lostandalone on Dec 13, 2003 17:23:00 GMT -5
Wings clipped I fall to earth The devil captures me I am taken to hell Chains on my hands Whipped, raped Tortured No one to save me I fall to the floor ‘Yes’ I yell Yes I will join you The devil smiles He says Even the mighty will fall I’m sorry god I still love you best
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Dec 15, 2003 0:00:12 GMT -5
interesting. i think you might need to add in a bit more detail.. this piece seems to be lacking emotion. maybe using a few of the other senses would help?
.. those are just ideas if you are wishing to make revisions. your poem is fine the way it is.
simple, yet effective.
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 15, 2003 10:21:24 GMT -5
I love the idea that "Even the mighty will fall". You should definately work on this poem again to make it even more terrifying! Love the idea. ;D
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 16, 2003 20:13:01 GMT -5
Very deep meaning, but not so deep. What I mean by this is that the poem has an underlying meaning, but needs to have more to it to be better understood...
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Post by lostandalone on Dec 19, 2003 11:05:47 GMT -5
it is a small story of fath lol, kind of a poem for the guy i like to understend how my last relationship went
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Mistress
Demon Disciple
Eternally Damned
Posts: 405
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Post by Mistress on Dec 22, 2003 14:19:39 GMT -5
I could definately see that perspective. It's really a good poem overall for nearly any occassion ^^
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