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Post by MirrorImage || egamIrorriM on Jul 28, 2005 16:14:03 GMT -5
tell me a story, please, i'm tired
beginning in times of ancient persuasion maidens and faeries, elves and trolls a handsome Prince Charming, prettier than I on the pathway for a noontime stroll
why was he there?
it was his time for a bride, you see, and Prince Charming aimed for the sky Sleeping Beauty, he was told, was trapped in a tower three miles high
how did she get there?
kidnapped, she was by the Big Bad Wolf, to be sure if not Snow White, or Cinderella, who else to chose but her?
this sounds like one of those stories with a "moral"...
it is, dear child, good ear for hints if you were wondering the ending is this:
Wolf got the knife, and Beauty awoke, but Charming just blundered, his "Smooth move" just choked
what does that matter? he beat the bad guy...right?
now listen here, child, please even if, as is, the "bad guy" is "surprised" fame and glory is not all to be had, for brawn is easy, but the girl is really the prize.
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im not entirely sure what i was trying to say with this...i think the ending is bad, but tell me what you peoples think.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jul 29, 2005 13:16:26 GMT -5
i didnt find it funny..
and the ending didnt work as well as it could have. kinda left me confused, thinking, pondering, digging.
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Post by MirrorImage || egamIrorriM on Jul 29, 2005 14:32:32 GMT -5
yeah, it was kinda a failed attempt at humor. i was pretty damn tired when i wrote it, but i dont think that passes as an excuse ,so i'll just say it wasnt that good and leave it be.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jul 29, 2005 14:40:09 GMT -5
dont do that. keep working at it till youve got it right. *smiles*
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Post by MirrorImage || egamIrorriM on Jul 30, 2005 18:42:57 GMT -5
ive got other, more promising pieces to work on. this one can sit until i get an idea for it, i think. that could be a while.
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queenie
Demon Disciple
Timor mortis conturbat me.
Posts: 539
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Post by queenie on Aug 3, 2005 16:28:15 GMT -5
Its an interesting write. I like the conversational style. I think its good but possibly a little to cynical for humour.
Q
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Post by MirrorImage || egamIrorriM on Aug 3, 2005 17:06:57 GMT -5
then maybe it should be moved to a different forum? i dunno how to do that, if you couldnt tell.
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Post by MusicalMasterpiece on Apr 19, 2006 0:09:55 GMT -5
poor audience...needs more of an ending...dont leave us hangin please bro
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lxlxangelicxlxl
Crimson Soul
I have the will to live, Death... be my guide
Posts: 108
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Post by lxlxangelicxlxl on Jul 11, 2006 11:39:45 GMT -5
Im confused. by much.
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