DaisyStarlight
Dark Initiate
Forever look up to the stars. For your fate lay within them.
Posts: 26
|
Post by DaisyStarlight on Feb 20, 2005 21:22:04 GMT -5
It all happened so quickly -Falling in love with your dark brown eyes Wishing your eyes would cross and you developed a lisp
Oh to my surprise! -Beneath your shirt was a sculpted chest If only your belly hung over your pants and your legs resembled sticks
How was I so blind? -With your fancy clothes like someone famous Hoping you would lose your job and be forced to wear rags
Why didn't someone tell me? -Your words slick as ice If only your car would slide into your house and you had no place to live
I'm not a bitter person you know -You truly are an incredible man But just think how great it would be if you had only five more minutes to live
|
|
queenie
Demon Disciple
Timor mortis conturbat me.
Posts: 539
|
Post by queenie on Feb 22, 2005 18:33:23 GMT -5
Excellent...honestly none of us are bitter...but there are ex lovers who just push you over the edge of reason.
Oh to my surprise! -Beneath your shirt was a sculpted chest If only your belly hung over your pants and your legs resembled sticks
Priceless, desperate wish fufillment. Lovely imagery and vocab and the honesty in the last stanza just blwe me away.
Q
|
|
|
Post by Yossarian on Feb 22, 2005 20:11:38 GMT -5
this was the only part of the poem I actually found funny (or at least made me laugh), but the poem overall was very good...I have a few ex-lovers who I feel like this when I'm around them.
|
|
|
Post by BlackRainbow on Apr 14, 2005 10:25:28 GMT -5
This is a very good one hehehe. I can feel yer hate, im kinda mad at my bf right now and i don't know what to do so yea... i think of negative things happening to him...
|
|
|
Post by eapoe666 on Apr 20, 2005 22:30:19 GMT -5
With my first ex...I wrote a gigantic list of ways to kill him...too bad I don't have it anymore. Some of them were excessively amusing!
Pick out his eyes with an olive fork! (OK that one reminds me of a George Carlin joke...but I think that one had something to do with beheading)
Either way, nice write. I feel the angst.
Kat
|
|