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Post by acronymph on Nov 23, 2007 23:43:11 GMT -5
As Moonflowers dream of seeing day And life beyond the stiff bouquet, I long for Dragons, Imps, and Trolls And soirees down The Rabbit Hole, For goblins And wishes threefold;
The death of our remote control.
But these exceed the boundaries. We are confined to certainties. Though reason is crippled and old The chains of logic keep their hold.
This "2 and 2 makes 4" is cold And Fibonacci is only gold ... The laws of science are swathed in mould.
For wings or fins, I'd sell my soul.
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Post by Kitten on Jan 12, 2008 0:15:17 GMT -5
"But these exceed the boundaries. We are confined to certainties. Though reason is crippled and old The chains of logic keep their hold." This stanza sounded a bit awkward, the wording of it I mean. I'm not really sure I like the rhyme of old/hold/cold/gold so close together, it's such a cliche/boring rhyme especially considering that you have more exciting "rhymes" with seeing day/bouquet, boundaries/certainties. But the idea and the theme of the poem is super.
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Post by fury on Jan 21, 2008 19:28:32 GMT -5
i completely agree with kitten about that particular part of your rhyme scheme....however, i truly to like the theme & concept that you have going on, and feel as though the title is somewhat infectious....
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Post by acronymph on Jan 26, 2008 14:00:40 GMT -5
i agree with both of you on the awkward stanza, but I've no clue as to how to improve it As for the rhyming, I said exactly what I mean, despite the cliche sound. They just fit to me. I wanted to keep this simple because the message is simple.
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Post by Aish on Feb 8, 2008 7:14:47 GMT -5
Interesting to see mention of the Fibonacci sequence...are you into sacred geometry at all??
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Post by acronymph on Feb 9, 2008 19:02:13 GMT -5
No. I'm not 'into' it. Just aware of it ...
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Post by Swindle Sheet on Oct 24, 2011 23:03:50 GMT -5
Awesome. I began reading this as if it were an "homage" piece to a genre. However it is obviously more complex than that. It illustrates the conflict between imagination and logic.
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