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Post by 6virgin6mary6 on Jun 18, 2004 7:10:50 GMT -5
Celebrity Suicide
Brainwashed into beilving That you were insignificant, That you didnt belong Labled an inspiration But you couldnt comprehend why Having no privacy Your life was made of glass Your soul transparent You never wanted this to last No will power left to go on The only thing you could control Was how you wanted to die You f*cked up Everyone has their flaws But you took the easy way out Chose to die And in the papers and on the tv Both read suicide With your cadaver Lay a letter Unmasking what was there But only you knew How you betrayed life And didnt want to live anymore Your vizard is off now No longer do you have to hide From the paparazzi anymore
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 18, 2004 12:37:17 GMT -5
well done! this piece had much better flow than the last one i commented on. ;D
"why" in the fifth line may sound better dropped down to the sixth.
a bit of punctuation or spacing might help your readers catch your exact rhythm. give it a try!
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Post by Lina Inverse on Jun 22, 2004 1:26:27 GMT -5
Well.... I can't relate at all, quite obviously.... but it's well-written. I didn't feel much emotion, but that was probably mostly because I don't give a shit about celebreties.
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Post by LORDMORNINGSTAR on Jun 24, 2004 12:49:29 GMT -5
Interesting topic, I'm trying to figure out which celeb it was...perhaps it was meant to be general. f*ck it one less bastard breathing up the air. strait up wirte though
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