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Post by x__powerABUSE on Jun 16, 2005 3:57:19 GMT -5
Ew! this is definately the sappiest shit I've ever wrote!
"Candle"
In light of your silent eyes You whisper me my dreams Ever so lightly, your touch And ever so soft, your screams
With every tender embrace Bringing my heart to a flutter Chills upon my skin Your touch, smooth, like butter
Now in the corner, burns a candle A candle you left for me So even in the darkness Your love I'll always see
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 16, 2005 4:01:21 GMT -5
this.. this is cheese.
youre a brave one.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jun 16, 2005 4:02:16 GMT -5
this line is actually pretty cool. the more i think about it, the more i like it. nicely put, daze.
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Post by Aish on Jun 16, 2005 4:04:35 GMT -5
Agreed with the cheese part Leash pulled out *hands out Wheat Thins*
But THIS, I sooooooo love, it's sad and very real: "Now in the corner, burns a candle A candle you left for me So even in the darkness Your love I'll always see " Cozy and domestic.
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Post by x__powerABUSE on Jun 16, 2005 4:34:47 GMT -5
LOL! I need to quiet drinking. I'm too emotion. I really hate the part that Leash pulled out. I might need to go back and change that when I'm sober. Thanks for the feedback.
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Post by Aish on Jun 16, 2005 4:46:48 GMT -5
grrrrrrrl, yeah YOU! Stoner Grrrrl! I HAVE to teach you not to rhyme - your images kick ass...
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Post by x__powerABUSE on Jun 16, 2005 4:49:34 GMT -5
Yeah the rhyming is annoying even myself. I could definately use some lessons. I'm working on it though. I have a few unfinished pieces that hopefully will be complete soon. Hmm... Maybe I should put them in the critique section, haven't used that thingy in a while...-scratches head-
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Post by Aish on Jun 16, 2005 4:53:55 GMT -5
That could work! I'll ferrat you some of my poetic synapses, if ye like.
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Post by x__powerABUSE on Jun 16, 2005 4:59:40 GMT -5
I would love that!
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Post by Aish on Jun 16, 2005 5:08:45 GMT -5
;D World, beware! ;D
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