WOTE
Dark Initiate
Posts: 39
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Post by WOTE on Nov 9, 2003 4:41:41 GMT -5
Like a rose your sent haunts my harden heart Your touch quells my beastly soul to a day’s light breeze You sanctify my thoughts with blessings of pureness Your smile is like that of a Queens
I dare not stare to long in your eyes In fear of sanctioning your love To an end that could only end in lies With mistrust on our side would we last?
To over come the lust first is a task We wink wildly but dare not pass The borders that surround us like glass Glass that can not be broken or touched
Ho dear sweet warm wanting women To press my soul to yours even once Would be a sinful sacred scar forever Wounding my soul for all time
Thus my unknowing love I seal my sin in disguise And protect your faith with little muse’s And myself from truths of lies entwined
I’ll see you tomorrow and the day after next Each day I see you stronger I get. To resist your loveliness’ I resent But do this I will for I do it best
Like a rose your beauty fills my eyes Your touch chills my soul Your laughs make me smile Your laughs make me smile
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 2, 2003 12:31:06 GMT -5
I loved the references to roses. Some of the imagery of this poem was very beautiful, and you cleverly made references to how the different senses are affected. Just watch the occassional typo here and there. ;D
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Post by Lina Inverse on Dec 20, 2003 20:53:20 GMT -5
Shit.... I absolutely LOVE your imagery. Especially in the first stanza. Like a rose your sent haunts my harden heart By "sent" do you mean a smell? Then it's spelled "scent" Also..... "harden heart" isn't gramatically correct... It should be "hardened heart" Unless you mean for it to be harden heart for a poetic reason? You sanctify my thoughts with blessings of pureness The correct word would be "purity" To over come the lust first is a task We wink wildly but dare not pass overcome is one word.
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WOTE
Dark Initiate
Posts: 39
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Post by WOTE on Dec 20, 2003 23:20:18 GMT -5
Lina Inverse you are a excellant editor , sorry that my dislexla harms the poems. but i will change this tomorow. thanks for your comments!
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 20, 2003 23:57:19 GMT -5
It doesn't ruin your poetry. It's something you can help, and something that's very minor to fix/
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