somaybeitsme
Dark Initiate
Conformed and Confined, We all bleed with sadness
Posts: 49
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Post by somaybeitsme on Dec 17, 2003 1:21:59 GMT -5
True Story:
Goodbye you. I actually got something I really wanted. Christmas in July And a five dollar gift Of my heart wrapped in The Sliver lining Of the best memories Of summer love That anyone could Share with just that one Special person- You, Gripping on to my hand Tightly at the emergency room With you on the bed And me in the wheelchair I couldn’t think of anyone else That I could be with At that particular moment But you- Whose last name Is engraved on my toilet Downstairs in the basement Where I occasionally hide myself away To reminiscence about Bittersweet memories And the shameful encounter Of you and I fooling around Half naked With hands, Hearts, And legs twisted in knots Tangling to infinity Counting down to the very second When empty goodbyes are meaningless A “I’m sorry” And a kiss on the cheek Stale saliva still imprinted on my skin No more words I’m so naive Five years younger And the inner child Of a three year old Giggling at goofy remarks Made by you About how it is time To grow up, Get a successful job With your distinguished college education Make some big money And love With someone you’ll never Care about. . .
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Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 17, 2003 16:04:27 GMT -5
Sounds painful. I never like sad endings. I loved some of your imagery; it was very insightful and original. For example:
Great work.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Dec 18, 2003 2:03:23 GMT -5
well done. .. im not too sure what to say about this piece. you did an excellent job. dont change a thing, its perfect.
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Post by jyrascarn on Dec 18, 2003 4:54:08 GMT -5
"Goodbye you".
Now this was really fun to read, even though you claim it's a true story. It also sounds as though you wrote this piece fairly quickly ... the flow of your words simply whisked me along.
Fabulous stuff.
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