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Post by :.:.:KrO NiC DaZe:.:.: on Jan 1, 2004 23:19:07 GMT -5
"My Light"
My Light has gone dim I don't know why Everything has changed I can't even cry
Sometimes I wonder Have I lost my soul? It seems like everything Comes with a toll
I can't see a future Because of my past Everything I had is gone And it left so fast
I have no remorse For things that I do I don't feel regret And it's because of you
You took my Love And f*cked with my head I hate you now I wish you were dead
My heart doesn't feel You took my trust I don't know whats real
Your the reason I fight my own feelings You f*cked me over And I see your game But thats done now I've realized your lame But don't look at me I refuse the blame
This is what you did I'm done with your lie's I'm leaving now With no more goodbyes
Now I see My light is dim Because of you My life is now grim
But that won't last This I will fight Maybe one day I'll get back my light...
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AxXis
Crimson Soul
I know the pale thing in the darkest of places.
Posts: 218
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Post by AxXis on Jan 4, 2004 2:18:14 GMT -5
I didn't think this was one of your better pieces. The rhymes seemed so forced that it took away from the emotion of the piece. I think if you set down and wrote this without tryin to rhyme at all it would have much more meaning.
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Post by Lina Inverse on Jan 15, 2004 1:32:04 GMT -5
I agree that the rhyme was a bit forced, but I liked the poem nonetheless. It really displays strong emotions. I especially like
Although I do see Axxis's point.... The word "fast" both has an awkward feel to it and doesn't convey a lot of meaning, and is clearly used only to rhyme...
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