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Post by Yossarian on Jan 31, 2005 16:14:40 GMT -5
more songwriting, let me know what you think... ---
"Inhalant"
The flag waves, A symbol of hope, Of democracy. The baby cries Of lost innocence, Of failed love.
The wicked waters crash Beneath my feet; The abyss is crumbling Away...
The eyes close; They give up hope, No life. The sound stops; Silence at last, Is golden.
I fall forward: I failed. The walls come tumbling Down...
Breathe, breathe, breathe, Baby, breathe, breathe, Until your dying day.
(Breathe life, breathe love, Breathe life, breathe love...)
I can't write, The mind is in a constant State of confusion, Of fear. The time runs out, The hopes of the years...
...Lose their way. A single voice calls, Alone in the wilderness.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, Baby, breathe, breathe Until your dying day. (breathe life)
Breathe, breathe, breathe, (breathe life) Baby, breathe, breathe, (breathe love) Until your dying day...
...soon...
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jan 31, 2005 16:35:45 GMT -5
i had difficulties connecting to this piece, yoss. hopefully its my mood and not the lyrics.
i dont think you need the comma on the second line.
i really liked that.. especially the last two lines.
i think this line is very similar to a song ive heard before.. some sort of punk-rockish type stuff. its on the tip of my tongue.
what mood of music would you put this one to? i hear slow & painful.
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Post by carpenoctern on Jan 31, 2005 19:15:25 GMT -5
I liked this... especially the first stanza... some great imagery. I also love the fact that this poem is open ended, with the phrase "...soon..." it let's one's imagination run wild.
Nice
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Post by Kitten on Jan 31, 2005 21:36:35 GMT -5
Sorry, whats the concept again? And what does the flag/democracy have to do with this 'baby'? And why are you dying? What's going on here?
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cryingblood2
Crimson Soul
Born with no soul, lack of Control, cut from the mold of Antisocial
Posts: 117
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Post by cryingblood2 on Feb 1, 2005 11:29:19 GMT -5
I have to go along with KittenX on this one. I agree that I do not quite understand the concept of this piece.
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Post by Yossarian on Feb 1, 2005 16:20:26 GMT -5
okay, I guess I made this one a bit too general...it's about how life is a drug, and we (usually) want to survive, want to get more, but there are often those who try to break the habit...I was comparing the flag (democracy) to the baby (who is still young and innocent)...the overall song was meant to be abstract, guess it was too much so...
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Post by Aish on Feb 1, 2005 16:29:53 GMT -5
Not one of my favorites, Yoss, but not a total loss, either. I like the "breathe" parts ;D
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Post by LORDMORNINGSTAR on Feb 1, 2005 20:56:56 GMT -5
Though I do agree with the confusion going on in the first stanza, I enjoyed what I had read, my main problem with this, and every other song lyric you've posted is just that & not a poem, though all song lyrics posess poeticism aside from Jim Morrison it just don't qualify so I'm moving this to lyrics as everyother mod should of done upon seeing it was a song!
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Post by Yossarian on Feb 2, 2005 9:24:24 GMT -5
...right, fire, the only reason I post songs in the other boards is because nobody ever reads the poems in lyrics, so I get virtually no feedback...
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Feb 2, 2005 15:52:35 GMT -5
i have read all the lyrics posted in this board, but i have serious problems leaving useful comments because i dont write lyrics of my own.. i dont know how they are put together well enough to be comfortable leaving suggestions. i think that there are others that feel the same way.
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Post by Yossarian on Feb 2, 2005 18:18:01 GMT -5
well, some of them, such as mine, "maze" and "inhalant" aren't really different than poems, I just have them set to music in mind when I'm writing, where as some of my other songs are more straightforward, and other poems I just write for writing poetry...if you know what I mean...
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