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Post by ValkyrieGoddess on Sept 26, 2007 13:59:47 GMT -5
Born Of sea-foam Her erotic figure Rises, The tranquil Foamy waves Licking, Caressing, Her long, Slender legs She strides forward Walking on water, As if it where stable She doesn't look back Doesn't hesitate Just moves gracefully, Forward Onto the sandy, Inviting shore...
Her legs touch land Smooth grainy sand Sleeps, Beneath her feet The sea cries out to her, Slides sapphire wave, After sapphire wave, Upon her feet, In a gesture, Of unrequited affection...
- A big thanks to Phoenix for picking the words in the 3 word challenge.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Sept 26, 2007 14:10:13 GMT -5
I especially like the last stanza there.. Gorgeous subtle rhyming at the start. Smooth. I usually dont like repetition, but this was just great.
"The" in the 12th line befire "water" could be taken out. It feels too much to me.
Calming work, Val.
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Post by Moonstone Maiden on Oct 3, 2007 21:58:31 GMT -5
I remember reading this, so I'm surprised that I haven't commented on this previously.
Awesome start.
'The sea cries out to her' I like the aching sense of longing.
'Slides sapphire wave' I liked the different style you use in this peice. A very silky smooth effect I see happening here.
'Upon her feet, In a gesture, Of unrequited affection...'
I particulary liked this finish. So doting...
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Post by lazzirus on Oct 4, 2007 14:39:24 GMT -5
I'm interested in the entemology of the goddess of which yo9u speak? Neat read. -LMS
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Post by ValkyrieGoddess on Oct 4, 2007 17:26:20 GMT -5
Actually wrote this on my B-Day just thinking about the 3 words Phoenix picked... Sea foam struck a cord and i began to write what i saw in my head. And the Goddess of which i speak of is none other than Aphrodite. It was said she was born of sea foam and was the most beautiful women to grace the Greek Parthenon.
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Post by lazzirus on Oct 5, 2007 13:47:12 GMT -5
I do recall, the myth. Have you read of her love afair with my alter ego "aries"?
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Post by ValkyrieGoddess on Oct 5, 2007 14:30:08 GMT -5
Yes... and if i remember the myth right Aphrodite's husband Hephaestus caught the lovers in a golden net and carried them to Olympus to have them punished. All the male gods where more enviuos of Aries and did not seem to show any pity for Hephaestus.
Aries and his sister Eris and Hecate where my favorite Geek gods and goddesses to read tales about. So Aries is your alter ego,huh? Guess i wouldn't want to get on your bad side then.
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Post by Kitten on Oct 24, 2007 21:43:59 GMT -5
Yeaaah that's what I thought too while reading..Aphrodite.
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Post by nibbana on Nov 26, 2013 3:36:05 GMT -5
Very beautiful poem. The images are like pictures in my head.
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Post by windfog on Nov 27, 2013 0:28:06 GMT -5
Yes. Aphrodite. Very romantic, wonderful poem! W.
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Post by Bastet on Nov 28, 2013 3:58:39 GMT -5
I'm going to echo what the others have said...
Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful
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