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Beast
Dec 14, 2003 18:18:50 GMT -5
Post by caramell11586 on Dec 14, 2003 18:18:50 GMT -5
Beneath the shadowy depths he lays Deadly to all in his path His eyes with their cold stare of evil He silently creeps in at night Beathis his heavy breath on his prey And sucking thier lives into him Engulfing thier souls as he grows from each one Taking advantage of all No mercy on any Bellowing he moves on Forgiving none of the pain For the pain he endures Is engraves in his heart Pain is all he knows Blood is all he sees Your flesh is all he feels As his nails rip into your nerves And the blood trickes from your face Your heart beats faster Growing to the throbbing pain Synchronizing with it Your eyes roll back You see a deep darkness approach The pain falling Harder and harder as your heart crashes to its last pulse He breathes you in
You have entered His home
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Beast
Dec 15, 2003 10:37:52 GMT -5
Post by black jewelled rain on Dec 15, 2003 10:37:52 GMT -5
I liked the suitably dark subject matter of this poem. Especially the ending. I can never manage a good ending like that! These lines were my favourite:
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Evil Amerigo
Crimson Soul
"I will never feed off the evergreen luster of your heart"--SOAD
Posts: 93
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Beast
Dec 20, 2003 2:16:12 GMT -5
Post by Evil Amerigo on Dec 20, 2003 2:16:12 GMT -5
Yeah, pretty good I liked it, strangely haunting.
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Beast
Dec 23, 2003 0:22:50 GMT -5
Post by Lina Inverse on Dec 23, 2003 0:22:50 GMT -5
I really like the imagery, but I do have one complaint---- so many lines just start with words ending in -ing.... It starts to get repetitive after a while
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Beast
Dec 25, 2003 17:12:43 GMT -5
Post by _black phoenix_ on Dec 25, 2003 17:12:43 GMT -5
awesome imagery. i really enjoyed the second half of this piece(it seemed to have more power and energy than the first half.) nice work, caramell.
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