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Post by twistedangel on Jun 5, 2017 2:06:55 GMT -5
Upon hillsides beneath stars Far away from psychological complexities We found ourselves again
Lain naked Wide open Under Luna She blessed our union so simply
Escaping real world complications Unnecessary futile conversations Deafening beats of the humdrum
How I dined on you that night Starvation of a life denied Our canvass shadows danced Embraced in her moonlight
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Post by Veritas on Jun 13, 2017 20:47:35 GMT -5
Breaking up certain lines might help the piece read more effectively, maybe even cleaving some of the word choices to slim it down, always into sensuality...
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Post by twistedangel on Jun 14, 2017 11:54:29 GMT -5
I think you right, rereading it meself I think I see quite a few ways this could be ermm condensed
Cheers Mr V hope you doing good (hmm or doing bad really well lol) :-)
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