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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jun 17, 2016 18:15:37 GMT -5
It's a bit long, slightly wordy, and it's awesome. That last strophe is one of the most painful I have ever read. S2, l5 - "profit? definitely no" - no should be not. - "i absorbed your mistake as if it were nothing" - What do you think of; "i absorbed your mistake as if it were my own" S5, L1 - "i took those blows like a sacrifice-" I suggest; "i took those blows -a sacrifice-" This one hurts but I mean that as a credit to the write and author. It starts to flow (and hurt) at S3 but the way it builds from there to the KO ending is perfect. I'll definitely be reading this again. Thanks for sharing.
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