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Post by colourlessthoughts on Feb 24, 2016 23:09:07 GMT -5
Died twice since you last thought of me
Thought hurt could not be with your removal performed from memory hand splintered from the tip cracked skin arm vines wrap my base to force rooting at a distance
Perpetually extended etched image reaching out for rain drops that once fell just for us on a grey day I slayed myself open so you could crawl in and become a part of me
My only hope is that after death we will meet
A little light splayed about my presence
Keep getting caught in this black feeling in a good heart being truly complete until the dark shutter cry leaching behind loose fictions of us sitting together in one place long enough to turn into a single object in the moonlight faded
Our toes once dipped in it… remember weightlessly stretching in bent forms passing to connect in shallow waters
We have stayed too deep for the world to catch us
I beat myself profusely searching for the feeling of you
My heart seeks a day where our wounds align
If you stand still I promise I will chase forward around time to catch up to you
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 26, 2016 4:37:37 GMT -5
Good to see you back Cain. I always love reading your work. You’re not afraid to go deep. This has got a lot of good word combinations but I think it would benefit from a bit of pairing down and break up the lines more. There are places where the imagery doesn’t develop but flashes by more like a slide show. The single lines are my favorite and I like the way this develops near the end. Your opening line is very captivating though.
Thanks for sharing.
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Post by Mikepoet on Apr 28, 2016 9:26:28 GMT -5
It was natural sounding. of course you are in tune with nature and all lines. are well written. it's a good writting Ed i would need the rest of what it is part of and it would be clearer to me. it seems like an exerpt from some thing larger. like a mment of creative writting from a large collection of thougjts and ideas. i enjoyed.
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Post by Aish on May 12, 2016 22:40:25 GMT -5
Your opener made my breath catch in my throat. S8 to the ending is artfully brutal. I've missed seeing you around here and reading you. Hope to catch you around more.
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