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Post by awesomebill on Dec 14, 2015 12:16:59 GMT -5
I addressed the frail court One to twelve. They had figures adorned in contrasted attire. What would the witches of Aberdeen do? Could they kiss the butt of the jury? Would there be love CHARMS or malpractice? NO. Not in Aberdeen.
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Post by Veritas on Dec 15, 2015 16:04:43 GMT -5
the vaguer ya get the vaguer ya get...
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Post by awesomebill on Dec 16, 2015 10:11:27 GMT -5
Hmm. I suppose that is something I often don't take into account. The reader's enjoyment because of well written descriptions and actually laying down the when, the where, the how, and not just the plot. Write the plot first but fill in the blanks. We will call this a piece in progress as it still has merit I think.
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Post by koiali on May 8, 2017 2:41:13 GMT -5
In my opinion I think the structure of this poem is a bit strange, and it doesn't flow as well as it should, so it doesn't read well. Veritas is right- vague can be good, but if it's repetitive vagueness, people won't get what exactly you're writing about.
What do the witches want? What is happening in Aberdeen that's unfair (?) to the witches? When people write in general, even if it's vague, adjectives, and description is the best way to get across your message, or theirs. Your audience wants to see the scenery, know what the witches want, how they look, and feel. Your audience should walk away wanting more. They should want to speculate, and think about what it /means/. It can be straight forward, or something the audience can try to interpret themselves, but as the writer, they should give enough clues, or just enough description that they can understand the plot.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 10, 2017 2:59:18 GMT -5
Aberdeen might be a significant clue. In Scotland Aberdeen was where the witch hunts began and it had a witch prison. All you had to do was accuse a woman, and some men, of witchcraft and it was near certain they would burn. The witch hunts there where particularly cruel and ruthless for a time. Not sure how the strangulation fits so I could be way off. It’s the questions that draw the comments of vagary and unclear imagery. It starts clearly; one facing a council of twelve. The reference to adorned contrast leads me to believe they would be six women and six men dressed in black and white robes so it must be a witches counsel. From there it gets vague. I’m not sure who the jury is. Even the final reference is unclear. Is it love or malpractice that isn’t practiced? The content seems to point to love but… kissing butt? I’m left uncertain where your sympathies lie. Aberdeen was a long time ago and memories are short. Who recognizes the name anymore? But even with that background the message is uncertain. So much so that it may not be applicable to this at all. For all that I’d like to see this develop. The opening was a good start and there seems to be an observation in human cruelty in it that just needs a bit of polish to bring forward as imagery.
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