LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Dec 6, 2015 13:31:50 GMT -5
Found her sitting on the floor, playing Silent Bell. When I asked her for her name, she just blinked in gloom. Tangy Tan, brunette like me. I was so in love. Soon I made it to her name, but the wait was long. Chances come, I risk a few, here's a pleasant time - "Oh hey there! Is there room for me in your frozen sea, made a paper boat for you, can we sail away."
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Post by vincentaugustemanet on Dec 9, 2015 19:44:35 GMT -5
Can't believe how many punchy lines you got in here, and all still said with a chill like dazed n confused. My favorite line was the wait line, that one killed me. Something about l4 like it should be 6 syllables then again it helps build the malaise tone, which is my favorite thing of the poem.
For what it's worth, I wasn't really sure if it was a satire or creeper piece on the first read. I get the capitalization now and it is a really nice play after it sinks in.
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Post by twistedangel on Dec 10, 2015 5:27:21 GMT -5
I didn't read anything creeperish in this, but one trying to break thru the walls of another but paper boats sadly sink nice thought provoking write
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Post by vincentaugustemanet on Dec 10, 2015 11:52:47 GMT -5
I don't say that critically because vast majority of mine are creepers under guise of romanticism, which I would def classify this one as such, but maybe I am projecting.
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Post by awesomebill on Dec 12, 2015 13:50:47 GMT -5
What be this creeperism? Is it like lurkers?
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Post by Mikepoet on Dec 21, 2015 17:16:25 GMT -5
What i got was an emotionally. gaurded female. I would of described her as untouchable. Well written.
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LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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Post by LSD on Jan 3, 2016 7:33:55 GMT -5
Thanks for reading! Exactly correct Milepoet! I may have to be more savvy in my writing.
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Post by awesomebill on Jan 11, 2016 11:54:44 GMT -5
I am sorry what coz I am got the insanity, coz when I read this retro funky pschodelica poem I done went back to the eightie's and had me a flashback. Sorry, now that I'm looking at the prose with my meds, there aren't any creepers or lurkers. It is a wonderful poem what could send me back to an acid flashback like that.
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