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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jun 5, 2016 17:29:51 GMT -5
I thank you both. I know what you mean Angel. Even being here there isn't enough comfort I can give my dad or he me. I'm Just glad we have each other. She is a good woman and I miss her dearly already but she is 81 and we have seen the signs that go largely ignored, she is tired and ready to go. I'm not so selfish as to make her suffer so I can feel some sense of security in her being here but dad is really struggling with it and I can't blame him one bit. I feel a sort of role reversal in this. I'm being the strong one while I take care of all this and do the driving. I cried in the parking lot after I saw her in the emergency room but that wasn't even a proper start. I've got to get dad settled first before I can really say goodbye. I'm not a procrastinator but I do when it comes to saying goodbye.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jun 8, 2016 0:28:34 GMT -5
Just back from the hospital. We took her off life support today and she is breathing on her own but it's very labored. Dad won't leave her side. I get it,it is where he belongs ATM and if not for him I'd be by her side tonight, but I'm starting to fear I'm going to lose him too
Edit: She passed this morning. Dad was with her.
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Post by Aish on Jul 27, 2016 23:43:28 GMT -5
My oldest son was killed in a car wreck Thursday evening. I am beyond broken. My daughter turns 16 tomorrow, I am trying to make her birthday as normal as I can under the circumstances.
Words just fail.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 28, 2016 1:22:02 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. That is too cruel. U
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Post by Aish on Aug 6, 2016 14:40:25 GMT -5
I will find my way back here eventually. Thank you both. Right now I am past the initial crush of decisions and memorials and I think I got through that stage well. This is different. I'm starting to struggle with functioning now.
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Post by twistedangel on Sept 10, 2016 3:50:46 GMT -5
Am really rubbish at sympathy...I just find it kinda uncomfortable an awkward...an usually avoid it like the Plague
am so sorry to hear, rather belatedly, about your son an all the other crap you going thru, an just I guess to repeat everyone else's words
Sorry for your loss x
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Post by Aish on Sept 22, 2016 20:22:50 GMT -5
it IS awkward, and I'm acutely aware how trite most condolences sound. Don't worry about it, Angel. I appreciate the sentiment. Honestly, just acknowledging my loss and being upfront about the discomfort is endearingly real. This entire disclosure is an overshare for me, to be doing it publicly, but I am so raw (and conversely numb in alternating moments) there's no hiding it away. Besides, this is a place where I've always been safe and you all are just as much my circle of chosen friends as those in the real world.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 7, 2016 16:09:50 GMT -5
I really need to vent to someone who wont judge or throw things in my face later. I know ill be ok eventually, i always am and im a strong person. Its just a lot going on for a long time and i feel mostly hopeless today.
The love of my life destroyed us financially and has made life utter hell for the last year or so with his drug habbits. I feel alone, frustrated, exhausted. Im taking care of our daughter full time while trying to support us financially on limited work hours. Job availability is awful right now as im competing with all the people relocated due to the massive forest fires earlier this year in my province.
Im sad and miss my old life. I miss eating dinner as a family together. I miss snowshoeing with my dog. I miss having money to go to the pool or drive to the country for a hike or eat dinner out with friends. I miss stability.
My closest friend got a new job with opposite hours of mine, so we dont have time to see each other anymore. My family is 8-10hr drive away. My boss and 2 coworkers are bullying me. Im trying so hard, but every time i get closer, something new kicks me in the ass. My landlord is an emotional disaster and wont let me have guests over anymore, so now i have 3 weeks to find a house. Ive been living without my dog for months and need to find her a temporary home for the next 3 weeks.
I want Geoff back in my life but im terrified hes going to slip up and start doing drugs again. I hate his friends.. half of them are hard drug users or theives and i want nothing to do with that.
I feel alone. Im so tired of fighting and just need things to get easy for a little while.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 8, 2016 12:25:19 GMT -5
Thank you, Spirit. I've been away so long that I can't remember your real first name(what is it? If you dont mind sharing.)
I at least got a possible temporary solution for my dog today.
I feel disconnected from my family, friends, community. Fighting this battle on my own. Sigh. My mom said she wont take the dog and my daughter and i arent welcome to live with her. She has a 4 bedroom house to herself... youd think shed want help with the mortgage or company. I feel rejected and unwanted.
Walking on eggshells around my house so I dont disturb my landladys overly sensitive and anal needs. Ive never had to deal with someone so set in their ways before.
My little sister just got married and here i am in a disaster trying to dig my way out. I feel like a failure the last few days. Ive been working so hard. Why cant i have a vacation or get married and have the happy family ive always wanted.
I just want someone to take care of me a little while... im so burnt out and sad.
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Post by Aish on Nov 8, 2016 15:01:19 GMT -5
* giant BEAR hugs*
It's good to see you check in at "home", Leash. I've missed you. You probably have a blockage in your throat chakra- and you deserve to set your boundaries and manifest your life as you see fit. Check your PM.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 8, 2016 17:38:14 GMT -5
I love you, Amber. Thank you. Missed you guys too.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 8, 2016 19:08:04 GMT -5
Im happy for my sister, it just feels shitty that im way older and dont seem to have my life together. It always feels like a contest with her. At least I know im a strong, happy person normally.
We got groceries today and spent a few hours at the river throwing rocks. Did some meditation. Im excited to hit the gym tomorrow. Feeling a lot better. Geoff said hed take us out for dinner or to the pool so thats something to look forward to.
Thanks guys.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Nov 9, 2016 13:32:10 GMT -5
I’m sorry to hear all that Leash. HUGS
I was addicted to crack cocaine, it seems like a lifetime ago, so I have some experience. Even so it is a hard one all around to understand, cope with, and survive. In the AA group I joined I saw men give up everything for that shit. I chose life and love but I don’t think many do and stick with it. I hope he chooses you and life. It's a hard road. <Hugggggggs>
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 10, 2016 19:24:32 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing, Lonely. Gives me some hope.
I havent had a ton of support or much to look forward to lately. Its been really nice checking in to see new messages/posts the last few days.
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 13, 2016 16:28:30 GMT -5
Lonely. So lonely
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