|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Jun 22, 2015 22:30:05 GMT -5
At the altar of this Dark Star where my story becomes untold I find my moment of surrender and become a begging bowl
I’ve been through every black hole a ghost of futures past I notice only that they pass for they do not notice me
In them there is nothing to win and in me nothing left to lose So I kneel outside this horizon waiting for what I do not know
I kneel because I want more because this feels like no-one before and question not if I believe but if love believes in me
Lonelyforsaken
|
|
|
Post by Bastet on Jun 30, 2015 15:32:05 GMT -5
Sorry I am not going to have anything really constructive atm, because I have Leonard Cohen stuck in my head "I set out one night When the tide was low There were signs in the sky But I did not know I'd be caught in the grip Of the undertow Ditched on a beach Where the sea hates to go With a child in my arms And a chill in my soul And my heart the shape Of a begging bowl ".
|
|
|
Post by Bastet on Jun 30, 2015 15:32:52 GMT -5
I love that you used 'begging bowl', btw - it's so so so evocative.
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 1, 2015 1:11:55 GMT -5
Begging bowl - Thanks. It started out as the title when the first strophe was the last but as this developed it became more about the surrender of real love. I don't really expect this one to have any clear meaning. I've had a few weeks to reflect on it and am surprised at how many meanings it contains for me. There is a personal aspect and that is where I began but I found a surprising religious aspect in it too. One thing I do wonder about though, from the reader's view, is if the difference between a dark star and a black hole is obvious. Astrophysics is a favorite study of mine and the metaphors are endless. That Leonard Cohen write should go into favorite poems. I don't think I have ever read it before but I like it and can see why this made you think of it.
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 2, 2015 1:56:07 GMT -5
Apparently the first two strophes are a rip off from a U2 song called Moment of Surrender. I could swear I just now heard it for the first time but many of the words are in that song though the meanings aren’t related at all. I must have heard it as background music at the grocery store, gas station, or jack in the box. Funny how the subconscious can work sometimes. I remember I started writing this after a long trip to Reading. I listen to the car stereo but only my music on a thumb drive and I don’t own that song. It just now came up on Youtube. www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdekFCClvns
|
|
|
Post by lewis82 on Aug 2, 2015 8:34:04 GMT -5
I like this. No matter how alone-natured that one is, the urge for social validation is something every human can relate to.
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 2, 2015 20:42:07 GMT -5
Thank you Lewis and welcome to Dark Star I’ve read your first two offerings and I’m sure you’ll fit right in very well. I’ll come back later tonight and comment but I have some things I need to attend to first. This as an astute interpretation. I did not see it myself though now that I think about it, and the original inspiration, it is very much a part of this write. As I mentioned earlier I am amazed at how many meanings this write has for me. I was tempted at one point to begin a list of them and do some explaining but I really like this one and now feel that explaining a write does tend to detract from its beauty to some degree. It’s very complicated. I used to explain at least some part of most of my writes. BTW, love your signature. 3, III, and three.
|
|
|
Post by lewis82 on Aug 3, 2015 21:50:57 GMT -5
Yeah, I totally understand wanting to explain the original meanings/intent... but also wanting to leave it "in the eye of the beholder". I get letters and emails from people who want me to explain if I meant something the way they interpreted it, in my books and other works... but I like to say that a single write (as with any experience) has many meanings and perceptions.
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 4, 2015 3:53:59 GMT -5
Most of my writings have multiple meanings, sometimes even more than I am aware of when I post them, as this one has. Most of the time that is completely intentional and I work at it but as you say experience often has many meanings and perceptions and it just happens naturally. I like to try to hide meaning too. I like to make people think and it’s fun to see if and who catches what I try to hide in a cerebral way. I was compelled to explain for the longest time but I have learned it isn’t always a good idea. I’m always glad to do so in a PM and quite often openly too but I’m trying to move away from that for a number of personal reasons. I completely understand why you get requests to explain the meaning. I often wonder if I have gotten the author’s meaning correctly or if I’m reading something personal but unintended into it. It can become a growing itch in the back of the brain when it is one I particularly like and spend a lot of time thinking about.
|
|
|
Post by lewis82 on Aug 4, 2015 4:56:38 GMT -5
Right. You can also do a lot of funny things with metaphorical wording. For instance, I had a lot of people asking me if Paradoxium II: Order From Chaos is REALLY featuring a poem called "Cannibal" with art depicting a werewolf consuming a person. lol I had to keep explaining that not only did I shrink down the pic to obscure a lot of the graphic, but it was meant METAPHORICALLY. It is about people who have their own world view that they try to drag others into... they want others to see the world from their belief system. .. and how it is an act of assimilating another into themselves.
It was a funny thing to do, anyway. lol
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 5, 2015 0:11:51 GMT -5
Well, I think that goes without saying. Metaphors are almost required in poetry or you’re just telling. I may call her my moon, my queen, and my life but she’s not actually any of these unless metaphorically. I think you’re talking about cleverly hidden or purposely difficult to see meanings. That’s what I mean in my previous post actually. One of my all favorites that I used was; “She sticks to my soul, like a rose on a refuse pile,” The obvious metaphor is that I’m garbage and she is the sweet smelling rose that doesn’t belong there but I could have accomplished saying that just with”… ,a rose on a refuse pile,” but this thorny rose “STICKS” to my “SOUL.” That is all kinds of addictive good with thorns in a very tender spot. For me it is an endless stream of what she was to me because I found that carefully constructed word combination to mean so much to me. One of the replies mentioned that line and it was an extra special kind of comment because that person got something that isn’t real obvious unless you know what it means instinctively by having experienced that feeling. It’s fun A lot like “Begging bowl” and Bastets comment. There isn’t any special meaning other than the obvious but it is a big chunk of the overall poem. It is what I have become. In the end the question becomes; can love believe in this begging bowl. I could have reduced it to just those lines actually but I like the black hole and sitting outside the event horizon like a beggar at the city gates metaphor. Its original inspiration was to be a love poem (because this feels like no-one before). Notice "No-one"? It was "because she feels like.." at one point before I expanded the meaning a bit. It didn’t end the way I hoped but it came out better than I could have intended when I started. To me it is still a love poem that says tons about our need for it and the lengths we go to find it. The metaphors didn’t end there though and I didn’t even see them when I was constructing the word combinations and putting their meanings in an order. That didn’t happen for a few days. And the begging bowl is the element that makes the other metaphor exist. We discover pieces of each other when we share our expressions, I think we all know that, but I learn things about myself too, like when you pointed out the social aspect. It stems from my version of a love poem. LOL
|
|
|
Post by twistedangel on Aug 7, 2015 12:45:09 GMT -5
Cool imagery, the beggar with his bowl stretched out, as the hordes pass him by...but love is somthing IMO that ultimately is given not necessarily received...hmmm not sure how to explain that..am gonna have to think on it a lot more, but just to say..we believe we receive love from others, our belief that we do...but we can't really know can we ? But we do know who we love....soz best I can do for now
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 7, 2015 16:17:08 GMT -5
I understand completely. It is in the last two lines. I don’t ask if I believe/love because I know I do, I give love. The beggar is asking if anyone has love to give him/her. The begging bowl is always empty. Anything given gets gobbled up or stashed away immediately. Thanks Angel, you made my day. Now if anyone can see the dark star – black hole metaphor than all that is hidden will be revealed. It's really long and complicated though. LOL
|
|
|
Post by fourtimefelon on Aug 7, 2015 20:20:20 GMT -5
I don't listen to U2 so the alleged plagiarism doesn't factor in for me. I liked this, but my favorite part has little to do with the message I took from it. I see a little light rhyming in there, and I, personally, haven't seen that much from you. I know that there are those of us who look down upon rhyme schemes, as if they somehow detract from the art. I've even read a post from one of my favorites on here where they likened trying to stay in a rhyme as limiting yourself to only a select few words when there may be many more thought provoking selections that don't rhyme. Well, call me old fashioned, but I love it when my stupid head stumbles across a beautiful set of consonants and vowels that are phonetically exquisite. (I saw Matthew McConaughey, in one of your hats, reading this as he falls into the black hole in Interstellar.)
|
|
|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 7, 2015 22:49:22 GMT -5
I like Matthew McConaughey. Good actor, love his characters, and what a cool name. Fool’s Gold is a favorite romantic adventure of mine.
You have to look way back to see my rhyming. I have an index in fragments of forsaken <shamless plug> Sometimes I do rhyme naturally. I’ve got a long one “Mercy” that rhymed so naturally that I tried to make the rhyming consistent throughout the write but that messed it up. I tried to get rid of the rhyming and that messed it up. I tried to crunch three pages of poem into less than one and posted it. Immediately, replies came in saying something was missing. I posted the original and it was well received but it is a long one. I started out rhyming. It seems a natural beginning but mostly I needed a strict discipline to keep focused. I use the quatrain often and still like its four line strophes even without the rhyming it makes for good flow. I think the real problem many people have with it today is that it has been done for so long and so well that it is hard to compete with it. You have to be real clever and use all the tricks of word choice you can to make it good an even then it gets compared to two centuries of the best poets the world has known. The Raven by Poe just ruined it for rhymers. How do you top that? I can’t even come close. So I worked my way out of all constraints and look for word combination with vivid imagery and/or deep emotion. The fact that I still start all my poems with the quatrain format does keep some rhyming alive in my poems but in a natural way because I’m not trying for that or forcing it to rhyme. I do it mostly for a good flow and rhythm. Looking at the poem now I see a few; untold –bowl, past-pass, more-before. More and before rhyme and the others only sort of rhyme but it’s close and feels a little rhymish. Hmmmm Now that I think about it I don’t like that. It feels like compromising and that never satisfies anyone and generally makes for a mediocre write at best. It’s still good but it could be better. I’m just not of a mind to F with it right now and I often don’t when I see it as finished in my mind. I do come back to them from time to time. I just fixed an old one yesterday, “My Song” and “”Our Worlds” has been scratching at the back of my brain too.
|
|