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Post by Aish on Jun 22, 2015 4:44:49 GMT -5
hush hush i miss the sound your voice makes as it calls my name and something deep down and dark rises toward the dawn in your rhythm
craving sweaty impulses in our hands
shush crush my bones and lips into your mountain I want to climb your cliff and look out over the valleys of emerging growth
i miss your lips on my shoulder in the unquiet hours of your sleep populating the ether dreams rise like champagne bubbles and I want your burst in the back of my throat
hush hush i miss the sound your voice makes when it forgets itself and cums louder than expected wild and brazen
you are my night my calm storm my embodied shattering hush
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jun 22, 2015 22:35:06 GMT -5
There is so much of that extreme duality of our love/hate emotion in this. Hush, but I so want to hear you. There is so much raw hurt and ache… it brings back memories of my own with its power. It is raw but as I started to make suggestions on how this could be improved as a write it occurred to me that it should be. Regardless of its raw aspect it is well written and moving.
This reminds me of the song - "I Love You...I'll Kill You" by Enigma. “Bring it back… bring it back… bring it back."
Thanks for sharing. *Hugs*
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Post by Bastet on Jul 1, 2015 12:02:40 GMT -5
Gah - I read your opening two lines and have Deep Purple stuck in my head.
Back later for crit once I shake that, or I'll be useless.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 1, 2015 18:18:42 GMT -5
I’m afraid that shaking that notion is going to be hard to do. Her first strophe is very reminiscent of that song. The whole poem is actually; “Hush, hush Thought I heard her calling my name now Hush, hush I need her loving and I'm not to blame now”
I mentioned a different song because I look for the deeper and/or not so apparent overall meaning but I heard that Deep Purple song first. One thing I noticed that I forgot to mention; I love the use of the word hush in this. It’s easy to see the hurt, pain, and contrasting emotions but the word hush is a beautiful way to soften the blow of “Shut up!” Even in your pain and fury you display a gentle chaos and that is what led me to think of the song I mentioned. BTW, the title is not an accurate description of the overall meaning of that Enigma song IMO. Note that at the begging of the strophe with those words it says “Look into the mirror of your soul.”
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