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Post by fourtimefelon on Apr 26, 2015 16:13:06 GMT -5
Rough draft. The pacing is off some, but I wanted to share.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Apr 26, 2015 19:31:27 GMT -5
I hear a lot of growing up the hard way and hard won wisdom. The last two lines are a bit disturbing but the wisdom I hear in this tells me you’ve grown past that too. I have to learn most things the hard way too. I’ve never been caged (they’d never have let me out alive) but we don’t have to be caught to make our own prison. It was someone here that helped me open that door and take those steps through. Pity probably best reflects my experience with this topic on freedom. I think you’ll like it. Now, if I could just find the inspiration to come up with one this good on the topic of debt. It’s an awful weight. I may be out but I’m dragging that door with me. Thanks for sharing bro.
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Post by twistedangel on May 3, 2015 1:17:29 GMT -5
Kk firstly am liking wots said...tho does get distracting in 2 ways firstly as a vid...your movement. ..stop it lol
but more importantly you need to slow it down, stop the rap style thing, theres a lot to take it an it becomes a little monotone So the listener kinda switches off
let it be a poem, slow down the speech IMO
☺
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Post by Bastet on Jun 30, 2015 15:34:43 GMT -5
I agree with Angel about slowing it down a bit. Slow it down, drawl a little, make it gritty. It would fit the piece. You could be so very dramatic with the way you read this.
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Post by lewis82 on Aug 2, 2015 8:51:02 GMT -5
Great job. I also think you got a bit excited and sped up a bit much.. but to each his own. Still, great job!
Edit BTW you made interesting points as well.
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