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Post by fourtimefelon on Feb 26, 2015 21:55:37 GMT -5
"Looking for a balance between Madness and Silence Running, hiding, seeking Searching for that place where laughter and screams become the symphony of Madness I long for the music now gone Brightened the darkness Resonating throughout the Silence
Sex and pain the same when you dance with the devil Devil or angel, heaven or hell, sanity or insanity Give my life for your soul My love for your hate Please trade anger for calm My flesh is burning Does my penance pay your price?"
I enjoyed your piece, and it brought to mind times when I've equated love and loneliness to 'The Madness(love)' and 'The Silence(loneliness).' Is unfinished a reflection of how the piece stands (i.e. "untitled") or an idea you're trying to super-impose across the words? As I've learned about written works meant for reading, sometimes we add where we should subtract, so I figured I'd redo this piece in a more concise manner. The end seemed a little muddled up, so I took some liberties with the arrangement (Actually I took A LOT of liberties with the whole thing - don't shoot). And I separated this into two sets of lines just because I felt it worked better. Your words evoked exactly what I believe you were shooting for and they solicited all of my opinions. Thanks for this.
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Post by twistedangel on Mar 1, 2015 2:54:37 GMT -5
i prefer the shorter sharper lines of wicked's meself tho i will say IMO L6 is messy "Searching for that place where the Laughter and the Screams become the symphony of madness" i'd go 'Searching where Laughter and Screams become a symphony of madness'....trying to keep with the short punchy lines am a little confused at the end when you mention "Your Price"...erm whose ? cos i get the feeling that all the emotions from this poem is kinda down on you an no one else..as in like theres no one to blame its just the way YOU feel about things ? then again i could have missed the point completley LOL, an wouldnt be the first time overall i realy liked this
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