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Post by Bastet on Feb 25, 2015 2:38:48 GMT -5
v.2
There is a kind of sorcery I tend to overlook: a wicked jewel whose silver plating never tarnishes.
Tonight I found that which was forgotten. Little spiky words tearing fresh holes through an old wound.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- v.1
I found something tonight that I had forgotten, little spiky words that tore fresh holes through an old wound.
There is a kind of sorcery I tend to overlook: a wicked jewel whose silver plating never tarnishes.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 25, 2015 15:28:15 GMT -5
A picture in a silver frame? A letter? A gift of jewelry? A key to locked away memories. A kind of sorcery indeed. *hugs* I have one we got at Magic Mountain. It’s one of those little slide viewers with a pic of us entering the park. I must have dug it out of the trash a half dozen times. It rips my heart out every time I look at it. I haven’t tried to throw it away in over ten years now. It’s so small I could hide three of them in a cigar container. Such a small bobble to hold so much… power. Very nice write Bastet. Thanks for sharing.
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krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Feb 25, 2015 22:26:58 GMT -5
Nothing like accidentally stumbling across an old memento to shroud an otherwise sunny day in darkness. Nice work.
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Post by fourtimefelon on Feb 26, 2015 4:51:49 GMT -5
There is a kind of sorcery I tend to overlook: a wicked jewel whose silver plating never tarnishes.
I found something tonight that I had forgotten. Little spiky words that tore fresh holes through an old wound.
The title set me off in one direction, but after reading the piece and letting my mind wander I've got a different take on the work now. First off, I believe the comma in the first stanza should turn into a period and that 'little' should be capitalized, creating two statements. Then I would like to see both entire stanzas switch places without any further grammatical alterations.
Now that that's done: S1 - The magic that you tend to overlook is ruthlessly, beautifully eternal. S2 - You felt the forgotten sensation once again. We know it is immaculate because of the previous stanza, but again you reconfirm that despite the something's immaculacy it is not necessarily a pleasant experience, correlating well with ripping the scabs off of an old wound.
Nightshade is the common name for a family that contains a wide variety of plants. Initially my mind went directly to belladonna and hemlock, the poisons, but after some consideration of the title, which was neither of those two, I began to realize that within that family of plants are some incredibly diverse organics. From pharmacologically interesting flowers like Datura (not to mention the aforementioned poisons hemlock and belladonna, as well as mandrake), to the spice and heat laden genus of Capsicum that contains peppers of all sorts, all the way to tobacco, as well as heavyweight staples in everyday food consumption such as potatoes and tomatoes. I believe a clear picture is painted with the juxtaposition of words against the sea of variety that is the nightshade family. I feel the restructured opening prefaces your personal experience in the second stanza by showing that you see, respect, and are in awe of the ability of words to come from such similar beginnings but end up in one of any innumerable places. Your experiences with words in the second stanza must be negative indeed to be compared to reopening an old wound in such a violent way. There are only twenty-six letters in all the alphabet, but words can be constructed, written, spoken, whispered, or yelled in such a way that they cease to be just words and become an infinity's worth of infinities. Nightshade indeed, Lolly. Mad props. *snap, snap, snap*
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Post by twistedangel on Mar 1, 2015 3:14:34 GMT -5
think we all got some reminder in wotever form that somtimes we forget, then one day pull out again...an its a punch in the stomach, yet we never can part with them awesome write
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Post by Bastet on Mar 2, 2015 2:17:58 GMT -5
Cheers for all the feedback, I'm all smiles.
4xF, I took your suggestions but did change the wording a little so it isn't so choppy. Very astute and intuitive crit. My thanks.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Mar 3, 2015 15:49:51 GMT -5
Small things add a nice polish. I liked the first version and couldn’t see any way I wanted to see it improved but after reading V2 I was amazed how just switching the strophes improved the presentation, particularly in the development of the majical item. I wasn’t sure about the word change until I read it out loud. The first version sounds best in my head but the second version rolls off the tongue a lot easier.
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Post by Bastet on Mar 4, 2015 0:45:55 GMT -5
If it needs further polish, let me know.
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mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Aug 14, 2015 14:19:04 GMT -5
timely reminders of faded burns too much to of thrown away not enough to have held*
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Aug 14, 2015 17:10:48 GMT -5
If it needs further polish, let me know. I think it is just right. I heard something recently. I think it applies to poetry, expression, and all our hurts; First we express our hurt. When it’s fresh this can be difficult to even find a way to do it. It can be violent, self deprecating, withdrawn, yelling, writing, extraverted, and any number of ways or many of them at the same time. When we find words to define the story of our pain and tell it, it hurts, but it’s shared. If we keep telling it and someday we find it doesn’t hurt anymore we know it is healed. By personal experience I want to say that the next person who scoffs at poetry as dribble is going to earn an earful from me. I owe my personal thanks to many people here. I looked at that bobble mentioned in my previous post when I read this. It hurt less than before. Today, not at all. Thanks, to all of you here at DS.
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