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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 18, 2015 15:54:14 GMT -5
It’s so angst and raw that it is hard to comment on. I know, sometimes we just need to say it and get it out. We need to feel not so alone. Been there bro, it sucks. Take a look around, read and make some comments. You’ll see that you aren’t alone here.
There are some good lines in here. In fact I think this makes a pretty good poem; “A fledgling tore my heart Left me bleeding A broken soul
From this there is nowhere to hide Everything for just one moment Anything for just one day
One more moment of what should have been One more taste of what will never be”
I didn’t change anything. I just took out what the reader can infer from their own experiences (some would call those parts cliché) and left the main portions alone making it short and sweet so it appeals more to the reader.
Thanks for sharing.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 19, 2015 16:26:20 GMT -5
I learn everything the hard way. “I am one of those people that if it did not hurt I did not learn” – I’ve learned that we learn things all the time but we forget. The things that stick with us are those that invoke high emotion. Pain is not something forgotten soon and the things we work the hardest for are the hardest lost. This is the reason we have the three to one posted poetry to comment rule here. It was in place before I found Dark Star and I had a lot of trouble with it when I started here. I still have trouble feeling that I know enough or that I’m worthy of giving advice to anyone about anything but… I’ve taken writing classes, I used to write short stories when I was young, I tried my hand at poetry when I fell in love with reading all the classics. Then for a long time I left it all behind and read mostly fiction for the adventures and a form of escape. Several years ago I found that I needed to write again. My thoughts and emotions were out of control and getting darker all the time. I started writing again to find some order and release with no desire to share any of it. I started looking at online forums to see what others where writing and found that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was. This made me think of sharing so I started to write to someone with that idea. I wasn’t writing with the reader in mind yet though and it was all long winded, emotional, semiprivate, and full of angst. I visited several poetry forums because it was the form of writing that most appealed to me, mostly because a good story needs details and I wasn’t ready to write about the details. After several heartfelt attempts I couldn’t help but notice that what I wrote got a lot of replies with hugs and empathy but little about my writing. In truth it all sucked. There was poetry in it but it wasn’t poetic. I was still writing stories but without details and imagery they weren’t any good even as stories. So, I started looking to learn and started trying to be honest about it. The hard work is the honesty and it is really hard to be objective about our own work. Other sites didn’t help with this and the people are, as a group, well… not the same, not so honest maybe. I found that when I was forced to look at the work of other’s and comment that it was very hard to do. I took that as a good sign that it might be worth the effort. When we have to make honest comments we have to break it down and really look at it. Look for what we like and don’t like and more importantly, why. I notice right away that with each comment I wrote they began to stick with me and started to show in my own writing. The other important thing that helped is that the comments from others began to mean more. I can read about writing and take classes for the exercises and practice but I learn more this way than any other way I know because it is difficult and it sticks with me. There is the added advantage of sharing too and that is why I call Dark Star home. I’m still long winded eh? Why did I write this? It took me at least a year to realize all this, maybe two, so I say these things in open forum often and with the hope that someone might find a shortcut in these words. I see a lot of people run from our three to one rule so I try to point out often that nothing good is easy. Maybe I can get a few more people to stick around this way too.
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