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Post by twistedangel on Jan 17, 2015 7:22:35 GMT -5
anwhere the wind blows is how the plastic bag rolls convenience store annihilator mother nature intoxicator new tumble weed wasteland of man made greed theres no beauty in a dying last swan song gasping on plastic it chokes on plastic flags wave in gentle breeze suffocating last remaining trees plastic bags swimming upon high seas floating environmental disease in any city or wilderness covered in excrement of mans success
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jan 18, 2015 0:47:20 GMT -5
S4, L1 - is a little awkward. I don’t think you need dying when mentioning the last. How about; “there’s no beauty in the last swan’s song” S2 is too forced but the rest of the rhyming isn’t bad.
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Post by twistedangel on Jan 18, 2015 6:39:41 GMT -5
hey is a quicky knocked up job LOL..wos gonna put it on your doom an gloom thread about earth being a spaceship...then thought that might be a bit rude :-P but yeah i see you point about S4 L1
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jan 18, 2015 19:05:49 GMT -5
“then thought that might be a bit rude :-P” – Nah, I wouldn’t have thought it rude at all. I like to inspire others to write. I figured that was the inspiration for this but figured you put it here for comments.
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Post by twistedangel on Jan 25, 2015 17:23:09 GMT -5
ermm 'shit' thats the point, dont think so literal..think imagery "covered in monuments to Man's success". <<<is sooooooooooo bland anyways in me defence this wos a 60 second knocked up poem inspired by LF's thread..an the fact no one posted anything for like aaaages..lazy bastards LOL
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