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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 8, 2014 18:06:35 GMT -5
Our Worlds
You don’t know the worlds in my mind. For all your care there is small pity for their sense of loss. No matter how narrow the strand of your private shore, if you will do your best we’ll forget this on the trail.
Bridging scars, we dance on thin ice. It is your desire I do not trust, bent to your smile, hitching your way, we aren’t meeting in sorrow. The only suture is love given freely, without thought of reciprocity, or scales of balance. It is the decent thing, that’s all.
If that thing is a stranger there are secrets you’ll never know. Yet I would choose any way to lay rest our desire. So all I keep private is pined to the altar, that child of wants lies cold under the moon. The drips of reddened tears have ceased.
I hate the days I feel mortal. In our worlds we live forever and should dawn ever arrive it’s to your light I’ll awaken.
LonelyForsaken
I don’t mean to replace the original with this. This is an exercise in changing perspective and to honor Bastet’s request/suggestion. I have nothing original so I’m working on old stuff. LOL
Our Worlds II
What of the worlds in our minds, for all we claim humane, where is our pity for their loss?
It is desire we need but cannot trust, pain in our smile, hitching our way, pretenders, fearing intimacy. Bridging only scars we dance on thin ice.
The only suture is love given freely, without thought of reciprocity, or scales of balance. It is the decent thing, that’s all. While that thing is a stranger there are secrets we cannot know.
I would choose to lay rest our desire. When all we keep private is pined to this altar - when that child lies cold under the moon - tears cease. We aren’t meeting in sorrow.
Pity these mortal days. In our worlds we live forever and should dawn ever arrive it is to her light I’ll awaken.
LonelyForsaken
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Post by Terrah_ko on Dec 10, 2014 17:12:11 GMT -5
I like this one a lot. There is a lot of meaning in it and I can feel the weight behind the words.
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Post by twistedangel on Dec 11, 2014 12:40:11 GMT -5
Sorrowful but oozes passion, a man who has maybe decided to risk all...but not quite ? love this
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Post by windfog on Dec 12, 2014 1:11:54 GMT -5
Very sad. And you are quite right - the worlds in our minds are unknown ... Who cares for it? And maybe open them isn't a good idea ... The more one knows the worser is his life. Really very good piece, my friend! W.F.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 12, 2014 2:59:45 GMT -5
Thank you my friends. I suppose it bleeds into all I do these days but this seems to have failed in one respect, I wasn’t going for sorrow/sad. I wasn’t going for light hearted or happy either so… It is about care and being all in. I recently posted in favorite poems one from Yeats where he warns us of the sorrow of love. I really like Yeats but I don’t always agree with him or the poetry I like or even that which I post. I’ve been there and done that. I got burned and I lost more than I knew existed, but there seems to be some things I will never learn. I may understand but I have to go with what every fiber of my being says I must. Think of it as embracing human duality. I can be cynical and yet still hope. I think Aish has a good explanation/theory in her post “Dannyboy's Theory” as to how our human condition is possible. She speaks of not two but three minds, though I think my reptilian mind must be just about dead (no self preservation), there are opposing ideas that while both are true they each struggle for reconciliation in coexistence. The source of inner conflict, but when the mind is allowed to… bloom, IDK, it is as if reconciliation has always been there. The problem, perhaps the source of sadness, is that in this dawning of the next step in human evolution it is rare to find another well developed flower-mind. We begin to "smell" each other and communicate on a far more intimate level. This communication is damned addictive and until there are enough of us to go around anyone who has experienced this is likely to suffer from withdrawals on a scale previously unknown to mankind. The consolation prize or perhaps the survival mechanism is the light gathering photosynthesis that comes with the ability to smell and exude. But, it will be some time before “all I keep private is pined to the altar” will be considered sanity by more than an unlucky few unwitting pioneers so I hold tightly to the common denominator we are all more familiar with. This causes a suffering though. This other portion of my mind is beyond lonely. It is terrified of being in a world where nothing is familiar and the light of dawn doesn’t yet exist. Or perhaps, I’m simply insane. Fortunately my violent reptilian mind is dead so you are all safe.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 12, 2014 17:36:47 GMT -5
Safe from me anyway. I find that I care little for what others think of my gestalt or if I’m perceived of as sane. I am what I am. I’ve always known that I’m a little different. We are all a little different though, like snowflakes. Empathy on an uncommon level is different. I do not cause negativity if I can avoid it because I feel it. I also feel things like glee and that is much more rewarding. However, I do hope I’m not insane and that Aish is right about “Dannyboy's Theory.” I would like to see the human race climb out of the trees and quit flinging feces at each other someday. I just hope we don’t have to cut them all down to accomplish it. Unfortunately humans hate change and the different. We demonize and burned witches. I wonder how many dwarfs had any chance in less civilized days. We shun those that are different in any way. I wonder how far along humanity would be on the evolutionary ladder if we never did these things.
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krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Dec 27, 2014 19:55:18 GMT -5
The only suture is love given freely,
If that thing is a stranger there are secrets you’ll never know
If this was a movie, those two lines would be be the trailer.
Great piece!
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 28, 2014 3:19:42 GMT -5
“The only suture is love given freely,
If that thing is a stranger there are secrets you’ll never know
If this was a movie, those two lines would be be the trailer. “ – LOL "Great piece!"- Thanks
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Post by twistedangel on Dec 29, 2014 5:24:23 GMT -5
i wos read your 2nd comment when i kinda had a thought about somthing you said LF..about witches an dwarfs etc well in evolutionary terms i guess getting rid of weak links..physical 'deformaties' would make sense in a hunter gathering small family group...so one that level to 'conform' becomes a survival instinct just has where to find water/food...now without going all blah blah blah LOL..roll that forward 60,000 years..its kinda the same concept, this pointing at anyone being different is it a genetically inhereted idea from our ancestors ?, we may know many things but underneath it all we are no different in mind (only concepts) from the first humans somtimes i feel that its not about getting down from the tree to improve our lives..but maybe go climb back up one...before it gets cut down
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jan 7, 2015 4:09:32 GMT -5
“well in evolutionary terms i guess getting rid of weak links..physical 'deformaties' would make sense in a hunter gathering small family group” – But that is the point I’m trying to make. All over this planet we see nature and her cruelty. What we refer to as “lower life forms” know nothing of benevolence, it is a human concept. On the one hand I love nature, she makes no false claims, her rules are harsh and she doesn’t play favorites except maybe for those who best fit her concepts of survival. But humans make a lot of claims. We claim to transcend nature, even our own nature, and even to rival the gods. In our duality ware are both arrogant fools and correct. We aren’t natural beings. Our minds have unnatural abilities but while we make grandiose claims of godhood we still cling to natural law and its cruelty. We use our bestial origins as an excuse for doing what we know to be sin. By sin I mean doing what we know to be wrong by our own standards and claims. It’s a beautiful word in all it encompasses; crime, indulgence, transgression, falsehood, failings, and offence. Are we still hunters and gatherers? Where is the compassion we claim to be capable of? Where is the unity we claim is humanity? We use racial differences and even or sex to denigrate and subjugate. We use progress as an excuse to commit atrocities on both our fellow man and nature and we are literally killing ourselves in both respects. There is a huge difference between living in trees as monkeys or in the human concept of elves.
“so one that level to 'conform' becomes a survival instinct just has where to find water/food...” – Aren’t we supposed to be true to ourselves first? If I am to be damned by man or god shouldn’t it be for who I really am? I “conform” only to my own claims, my honor demands it. To me “Dannyboy's Theory” explains much I have wondered about myself and others. The unity of our so called humanity is divided in so many ways. How is it possible that some are so greedy and cruel yet some are so compassionate and even totally pacifistic? Why am I capable of such extremes within my singular self? I’m quite capable of killing in defense of all or anything I love yet my compassion ranges to passivism in my empathy for the less fortunate, less capable, or damaged. In fact, my core is completely none aggressive without avaricious ambition yet my survival instinct tells me I must be ready for nature’s realities.
“Dannyboy's Theory” – We have senses we don’t understand and even deny. I’ve proven this to myself and others. Some try to explain it as the ability to read body language or recognize developing situations, I’ve done that myself, but I know the difference too. Have you ever looked at someone you just met and knew deep down that this person was not the kind and congenial person they appeared to be? Have you ever been in a crowd that seemed to be having a good time but left just moments before disaster struck? Recently, I was zipping along the freeway at 80mph when something in my mind said slow down. No reason I could see for it. The traffic was as normal as it often seems and I was in a hurry and the fast lane. I slowed and was working my way over to slower lanes to let faster drivers pass when suddenly cars ahead of us started flying in all kinds of wrong directions. I might have explained this sensing away if an aggressive driver had passed me recently, as often happens, but nothing like that occurred. I’ve done this with highway patrol who sit in concealed spots on long lonely highways waiting to catch the unaware speeding. I break the speed limit in great excess all the time yet I’ve never had a speeding ticket. And for a good portion of my life I averaged 50,000 miles a year. It goes into a lot more detail on an individual level and some of us are easier to read than others. Distance has its effect and familiarity increases this alternate communication much the same way body language does but between the right individuals much more than can be otherwise explained is possible. Aish spoke about Dannyboy's Theory of communicating by a different sense of smell and I’m sure that is a part of our evolving flower-mind’s capability but I think it goes farther than that. She mentioned an aspect of light but made no mention of emitting any forms of light. Well, she did mention the halo in relation to bees and that illumination is not an accident in terms but made no connection to communication in relation to light. I believe we do. Why not? Bioluminescence is quite common and the light spectrum ranges far outside that of what our eyes recognize. It’s almost impossible to lie to me to my face. I have to really want to believe you and even then it doesn’t often work. I often give the benefit of doubt but I’m never surprised. It amazes me when I sneak up on someone unaware that I’m near. That never happens to me. People have often tried to prove they can sneak up on me because of it. I even know their intentions while there on the other side of a wall.
We may someday be forced to conform because of this aspect of Dannyboy's Theory. When you feel the misery and pain of another it is impossible to ignore. There may always be those that delight in such things but once this ability is evolved enough they won’t be able to hide that fact. I know this idea scares the crap out of many people but in case you haven’t noticed I relish it.
I wrote this before I read Aish’s thread on “Dannyboy's Theory” but its deepest meaning is precisely what she talks about. I had no words for this concept. I wasn’t even aware that science is studying this aspect of our physical brain but to be honest it is a relief to know that others are convinced this aspect exists. Crazy is a subjective word. I have written a lot about a person I love very much who was certifiably so. To me she wasn’t. She was just very misunderstood. I know the feeling and I knew how she felt intimately. I wish there were more like her.
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Post by Bastet on Feb 21, 2015 19:21:30 GMT -5
You don’t know the worlds in my mind. For all your care there is small pity for their sense of loss. No matter how narrow the strand For me the piece begins here.of your private shore, if you will do your best I think tinkering with this would yield a stronger result. Either "if you will your best" or " if you do your best" or even "if your willful best". There needs to be another line between this one and the next.we’ll forget this on the trail. This line is strangling. I really think it should be re-thought and re-wrought.Bridging scars, we dance on thin ice. Is "thin" necessary?It is your desire I do not trust, How about "It is desire I distrust"?bent to your smile, hitching your way, we aren’t meeting in sorrow. The only suture is love given freely, without thought of reciprocity, or scales of balance. It is the decent thing, that’s all. If that thing is a stranger there are secrets you’ll never know. Yet I would choose any way to lay rest our desire. So all I keep private is pined to the altar, that child of wants lies cold under the moon. The drips of reddened tears have ceased. I hate the days I feel mortal. In our worlds we live forever and should dawn ever arrive it’s to your light I’ll awaken. LF, how would you feel about taking this piece away from "you and I" and instead presenting it from a more neutral tone like third person omniscient?
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 21, 2015 21:14:21 GMT -5
Oh! Goody, lots of feedback Thanks Bastet "I think tinkering with this would yield a stronger result. Either "if you will your best" or " if you do your best" or even "if your willful best"." - I think I see what you mean, the wording is a bit wonky. I like your suggestion of "willful." I think "do" is the problem but I need its reference to work/effort. Hmmm. "There needs to be another line between this one and the next." - What content? I don't have anything to relate to either or both those lines. (we’ll forget this on the trail.) - "This line is strangling. I really think it should be re-thought and re-wrought." - Strangling? How? I don't see it but I'm not objective either. That is one of my favorite lines. "Forget" meaning forgive and the "trail" being the metaphoric struggle/climb. " Is "thin" necessary?" - Yes, skating on ice is a day of winter playing outside but on "thin ice" it becomes dangerous. " How about "It is desire I distrust?" - Farther down I refer to laying to rest "our desire," so I need to specifically refer to "her" desire here. The two tie in together. " LF, how would you feel about taking this piece away from "you and I" and instead presenting it from a more neutral tone like third person omniscient?" - I think I see what you mean, there are a lot of, "I" and, "You/your" references. I like the idea. I write too much to someone and it's more appealing to the reader from an outside/widescreen perspective. I'll give it some thought but I think that's going to be a difficult angle for me too look at this. Thanks again Bastet
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Feb 23, 2015 3:57:24 GMT -5
Bastet – "I think tinkering with this would yield a stronger result. Either "if you will your best" or " if you do your best" or even "if your willful best"." - What do you think of ; “should your willful soul do its best” ? I’m working on a version using your last idea and I think it’s going well, better than I expected. added - Bastet - I don't know what has happened to my writing lately. I started a third person version of this and it seemed to go well, at first. It’s crap now. I can’t even come up with anything for the “Four line poem challenge” right now. Not even sure I could create a Haiku ATM.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Oct 23, 2015 3:20:26 GMT -5
Version 2 is up.
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