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Post by Veritas on Jun 30, 2014 13:47:33 GMT -5
The blind, mad god guides my steps pain & knowledge fill my every breath
... Kaos majik blood barter & soul debt ... oath kept
I honor & protect the will & wisdom of the illimitable abyss
My allies of endless suffering kept warm by our hatred foul, wretched & nameless
Our shackles & chains forged by our own cruelty & rage
SELF ENSLAVED HELL IS HAND MADE font]
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Post by Aish on Jul 1, 2014 0:22:02 GMT -5
Final strophe is the bees knees.
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Post by twistedangel on Jul 2, 2014 1:12:17 GMT -5
there is only one hell...your own love this an as Aish already said the final ends it perfectly
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Post by Veritas on Jul 2, 2014 18:56:19 GMT -5
mucho tank you-o's ladys(senioritas)
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krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Jul 3, 2014 18:54:24 GMT -5
My allies of endless suffering kept warm by our hatred foul, wretched & nameless
Our shackles & chains forged by our own cruelty & rage
SELF ENSLAVED HELL IS HAND MADE
All that is just ... WOW! Great work!
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 15, 2014 21:32:35 GMT -5
This not only touched me but it did so deeply. Thanks for sharing.
Ever want to kill a god? If you like reading I strongly suggest you look into the “The Malazan Book of the Fallen” by Steven Erikson. It is closely related to this poem. I think it was 13 books and each book is nastier then the last.
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Post by Bastet on Jul 16, 2014 3:22:58 GMT -5
The blind, mad god guides my steps pain & knowledge fill my every breath You might consider "filling every breath".
... Kaos majik blood barter & soul debt Maybe "bartered blood". ... oath kept
I honor & protect These next 2 strophes are nice - but in my opinion are unnecessary. the will & wisdom of the illimitable abyss
My allies of endless suffering kept warm by our hatred foul, wretched & nameless
Our shackles & chains This is the meat for me, forged by our own cruelty & rage
SELF ENSLAVED and this the marrow. HELL IS HAND MADE font]
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Post by Bastet on Jul 16, 2014 3:25:41 GMT -5
I always enjoy your talent, Veritas. You present things I generally don't consider and yet I find myself nodding in agreement with you. As far as the piece goes I really like it, but I would offer this bit of an edit for your discernment: The mad blind god guides my steps pain & knowledge fill every breath
Kaos majik blood bartered & soul debt
Our shackles & chains forged by our own cruelty & rage
SELF ENSLAVED HELL IS HAND MADE
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Post by Aish on Jul 17, 2014 3:36:44 GMT -5
I always enjoy your talent, Veritas. You present things I generally don't consider and yet I find myself nodding in agreement with you. As far as the piece goes I really like it, but I would offer this bit of an edit for your discernment: The mad blind god guides my steps pain & knowledge fill every breath
Kaos majik blood bartered & soul debt
Our shackles & chains forged by our own cruelty & rage
SELF ENSLAVED HELL IS HAND MADE You have learned well my padawan.
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