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Post by twistedangel on Jun 30, 2014 2:40:53 GMT -5
todays blood congeals over scabs of yesterday tomorrow I shall repeat it all over
leaving skin upon brick walls
till nothing remains but bones the only sign I wos ever here
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Post by Veritas on Jun 30, 2014 13:52:05 GMT -5
I got no crit just compliment, beauty... -LMS
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Post by Veritas on Jun 30, 2014 21:29:38 GMT -5
CRAZY SHIT i WROTE SOMETHING SIMILAR YESTERDAY EVENING (woops caplocks) anyhoo I went back and re-wrote that shit after I read this, great minds think alike mutha fuka -LMS
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Post by Aish on Jul 1, 2014 0:20:12 GMT -5
Excellent work, Angel.
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mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Jul 1, 2014 6:25:57 GMT -5
brick broke knuckles in the tunes of lost cries...
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Post by twistedangel on Jul 2, 2014 1:08:54 GMT -5
why do I always think people is shouting at me when textin in caps cheers guys
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Post by Bastet on Jul 12, 2014 12:41:21 GMT -5
Gorgeous piece, Angel!
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Post by goldfinch on Jul 12, 2014 12:52:40 GMT -5
WOW! This is stupendous!
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Post by nibbana on Jul 13, 2014 18:40:05 GMT -5
This is a beautifully stark piece of writing, Angel. Very well written.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 13, 2014 23:19:00 GMT -5
Like your other poem “No Pain” this is your best form and style. Well, my favorite of yours anyway and I don’t think it is just because it’s my best style too. When you are short and to the point your word choices really shine. Your rhythm is really good too. Even your title choice is right on. Suggestions; L4 - “I shall repeat it all over” I think “again” fits better than “over.” “all over” has the feel of doing it all over again but implies doing it differently. “repeat it all again” has the feel of absolute repetition and no hope of changing anything. Oh, and you know how I feel about capitalization but these pail in comparison to the overall write. Awesome write Angel
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