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Post by Aish on Jun 20, 2014 19:13:47 GMT -5
Dear Covetous Ego, Laying here inhaling midnight I've forgotten how much has been lost over the years.
Atmosphere. Words. Alternate futures. Shrapnel. Seasoned flame quivers, tiny fire woman bursts from the wick bending toward the eye of a peacock feather and the cleft of a giant conch shell;
the sacred tunnel eats and breathes. 'Cause it's all about vagina.
And this place is a tiresome mindf*ck and I'm missing a part of me and the cancer was a sister so even though it needed to be cut out that shit hurt like a bitch.
And we're all bitches, right?
Let's open the window while inhaling midnight shrapnel; I've been so lost over the years.
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krake
Crimson Soul
Posts: 79
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Post by krake on Jun 20, 2014 19:34:17 GMT -5
HU HUHU HUHUHU you said....vagina
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Post by Aish on Jun 21, 2014 3:27:17 GMT -5
Why yes, yes I did. LOL.
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Post by Bastet on Jun 21, 2014 15:34:11 GMT -5
This requires ore thought than I have at the moment. Eh. I like and I dislike - it's not your usual flow. Shall return.
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Post by windfog on Jun 22, 2014 7:44:43 GMT -5
Fantastic! W.F.
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Pride Ed
Dark Initiate
I'll scream for you in whispers, because I always hated being too loud.
Posts: 35
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Post by Pride Ed on Jun 24, 2014 18:21:06 GMT -5
I like the surreal, gritty feeling of this. Nicely written!
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mee
Crimson Soul
Posts: 117
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Post by mee on Jul 1, 2014 6:44:53 GMT -5
i don't know how i'd think with a tough fragile opening to listen to , it is bad enough listening to tough fragile extenstion that never shuts up much , a lot more vulnerable sort of , a bit less full , a bit more linked with the outside maybe , not sure , but dicks can be worse than a bitch sometimes , bodies just don't get it do they , it's all self self self and not much room for the thoughts to think :_)
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Post by goldfinch on Jul 12, 2014 12:54:53 GMT -5
Defiant and beautiful.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Jul 13, 2014 23:01:51 GMT -5
As one who recently told his sister to f*ck off and die, I salute you. Damned hard to do and yes; “that shit hurt like a bitch.” Still does.
I don’t see much that can be improved. Removing a few words might improve rhythm but then, I seem to be leaning heavily towards short and sweet, so to speak.
L2 – “Laying here inhaling midnight I've forgotten” S5 - You could drop a few “and”s and the “so.”
Thanks for sharing Aish and... sorry you share this, too.
Hugs
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