|
Post by LonelyForsaken on Oct 31, 2014 20:22:21 GMT -5
I like the direction you went with this. That third stanza could stand alone.
|
|
|
Post by Bastet on Nov 1, 2014 22:04:54 GMT -5
I love the feedback LF I agree that the final strophe could stand alone. In fact, I no longer feel it fits the piece.
|
|
|
Post by Aish on Nov 7, 2014 16:50:21 GMT -5
I think you could remove " though the" from S2 L3 and " are" from S2 L4.
Still really dig this piece.
|
|