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Post by lightbaron on Nov 28, 2013 12:48:29 GMT -5
Close up your heart chakra Christ consciousness has gone consumer the pelicans have no more beacon in 'em as the magnets pull new metal but not to worry the whore always was our mother, our lovers have cheated on us dispelling the mystique that stirred language. So now, pollute the entire ether babble a twinned current to tower indulge in the outer everything and do it in each direction at once, and when you can't record, write down which ways god's meditation failed, and became the stolen moment victories for man the only place that words matter.
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Post by twistedangel on Nov 30, 2013 4:31:53 GMT -5
"as the magnets pull new metal" would magnates be better word play ? S2 for me went a bit off road for me from S1 an S3 but IMO some clever wording an a calmness to things you wanna scream about enjoyed this
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Post by Bastet on Dec 2, 2013 20:15:03 GMT -5
This made me very sad. The idea that nothing is sacred and even our seeking is eroded down to a soulless opportunity for sale disheartens my sensibilities.
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Post by lightbaron on Dec 4, 2013 7:59:18 GMT -5
@twisted angel, hmmm yeah I spose magnates does sound a bit better, but it might be a bit too far off of my intended concept. I will consider that second stanza, in terms of being too "off the track", often I like to see how far I can get away with implying an understood meaning without describing it... I do go too far into that implication so I appreciate your thoughts
@z.p. I find that very interesting to me....I do see that sadness, as you say, in that nothing is sacred, or heading that way...for me it is almost liberating, as I see the only possible outcome as everything becoming sacred again...as I said, very interested in your comment, thank you
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Post by Bastet on Dec 4, 2013 13:51:29 GMT -5
Hmmm, sacred becomes profane, becomes sacred again. Very interesting. We humans is complicated and barmy sob's.
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Post by windfog on Dec 16, 2013 9:36:52 GMT -5
Absolutely asocial and very much truth. Impressed. Cool piece. W.F.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on Dec 17, 2013 23:12:40 GMT -5
Captivating opening and (LMAO!) I love the ending. The way you snuck that one up on the reader was priceless.
As for suggestions of improvement… I really like your work. Maybe replace “language” with “voice” in L10.
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Post by Aish on Oct 30, 2014 14:39:19 GMT -5
Casey!!!! I miss you ( and your poetry). Come back. Pretty please.
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Post by Bastet on Nov 1, 2014 22:21:22 GMT -5
Aye. More from Lightbaron! Aye aye aye!
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