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Post by Bastet on Nov 1, 2013 16:53:20 GMT -5
The sparseness accentuates the clinging thread this dangles from. One piece of advice, I think you could eliminate all punctuation. Center aligned stripped of all those commas, just hanging rthere stark and naked like the impetus itself.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 7, 2014 2:15:01 GMT -5
Funny you should say that  Thanks. I think, more often than not, less is more with my writing. LOL This is how I wrote it down in my book of poems(finished works); Listen I struggle to live
not for material gain
or more pain
Not to see another fall
or justice rise
I listen to life
and love
To hear the sun
rise
and night
fall LonelyForsaken |
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May 7, 2014 17:40:51 GMT -5
Post by Bastet on May 7, 2014 17:40:51 GMT -5
Love it this way |
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May 7, 2014 17:41:30 GMT -5
Post by Bastet on May 7, 2014 17:41:30 GMT -5
Any chance you're gonna put this version up?
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May 8, 2014 2:03:09 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on May 8, 2014 2:03:09 GMT -5
I kind'a did. LOL
Ok, fixed it.
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May 8, 2014 16:30:01 GMT -5
Post by Bastet on May 8, 2014 16:30:01 GMT -5
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LSD
Crimson Soul
She needs me, but I need her.
Posts: 102
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May 13, 2014 22:52:16 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by LSD on May 13, 2014 22:52:16 GMT -5
Yes! What is life? Why do we live?
A great spirit filled poem!
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Jun 5, 2014 15:20:59 GMT -5
Post by LonelyForsaken on Jun 5, 2014 15:20:59 GMT -5
Thanks Me It seems it is for some of us. I hear the promise that remains unfulfilled at this end of a lifetime. To be in it, with it, part of it, to touch it, but all I do is see and hear of it. It is a vicarious life, unshared, starved and barely alive. I wondered if anyone would see that side of this. Thanks |
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