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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 5, 2013 2:18:40 GMT -5
And Yet... Would I chose not to know
In my quest I have learned truth is a sorrowful thing
My mind has been stretched beyond reason beyond feeling and I...
have not come full circle I have seen the abyss and know I must return
My heart is broken My greatest pain I know I can't go home I have discovered the jest that is life I know the futility of my own
And yet... would I choose not to know Perhaps if not for my sin If I were not so... damned alone This should not be shared
At this event horizon there is no return Stretched this thin I can not...
I cannot be loved
LonelyForsaken
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Post by twistedangel on May 5, 2013 2:25:51 GMT -5
nice write an deffo very morbid...an tho i think this is a great poem i cant help completely disagreeing with the end of it "I cannot be loved"....who says? you? well thats not for you to decide is it i get the feelings and the sentiment an sooo agree with ignorance is bliss nice write
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Post by windfog on May 5, 2013 3:59:01 GMT -5
Hi, L.F.! You made reader to feel your pain, your lost and your regrets ... Powerful poem! And as lady T.A. said "Who said that you can't be loved?" I'm sure - you can! W.F.
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 6, 2013 0:20:07 GMT -5
A big thanks to you both and love right back at ya. I do know I'm loved but the levels of love are impossible to count. I'm not sure I can say I have even touched them all but I have tried. This is an expression that only touches that madness. At one level it is an obvious lie but at others... Here are a few examples; No-one has shared my bed for more than a night or two since I lost her. I have no companion of either sex who walks with me. And perhaps most painful: Who will hold me when I mourn the loss of my father? My father, the one person I know who accepts me for who I am. But this write goes even beyond that. I have no home to go to in this life. I know all the philosophical arguments about where home is, and the list is numerous, but the home I've searched for all my life doesn't exist for me. LOL I don't like to be morbid but I've discovered that I'm damned good at almost anything I do. It might take me awhile but I get there.
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Post by fourtimefelon on May 11, 2013 20:59:19 GMT -5
I found an entertainment with your piece. Posing the hypothetical of "What if I didn't know now the things I didn't know then?" The idea of wishing for the bliss of ignorance once again, after you've already tasted the poisoned fruit of knowledge. And I enjoyed the black-hole metaphor: "At this event horizon/There is no return" It's like, yeah I can wish in one hand and shit in the other, let's see which one fills up first. Once seen, cannot be unseen. Right? That being said, I didn't quite get the lack of all punctuation, save the ellipsis. I think an overhaul with commas separating individual thoughts and indicating pauses in the flow of the words would be incredibly beneficial to the reader. When I create something, sometimes I have to go back an re-punctuate because if I intend to share it, unless I physically read the piece, the reader won't be able to hear it the way it plays out inside my head, you know? And I'm curious what you were trying to achieve with the use of the ellipsis. It can show a pause in speech, but it can also show a trailing off of the speech, and can even convey an awkward feeling. Did you have a single use for it in mind? Or were you using a mixture of it's many uses? Just curious, and just my two cents. As it stands, it's art. And art that comes out of anyone for any reason can never be "wrong."
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 12, 2013 1:05:17 GMT -5
Thanks Felon For reading and understanding. I'm especially endeared to your understanding of the black hole reference. I wasn't sure anyone would get it though I made it as obvious as I could. You ask the questions I hope to hear/read. "That being said, I didn't quite get the lack of all punctuation,...“ - This style, not sure there is a name for it, is one I have been moving towards for some time now. There are a few things I like about it. I discovered that a line end is much like a comma but more forceful in many ways. It forces a pause as the readers eye moves to the next line. It also makes separate meaning more obvious while making the relationship of the individual meanings easier to point out. And when juxtaposition is present it is easier to see. Mostly, I decided that while punctuation is great for flow and rhythm it is best to either be used as proper English or not at all. This sometimes limits the way I can force the rhythm with which the reader reads my work. When I use punctuation I often become torn between a new line and the comma. The result is often bad rhythm and flow. The ellipsis - I use it in all its meanings but mostly to indicate a thought that can't be expressed well with words. Eg; "beyond feeling and I... I am sure I have not come full circle" When I end a stanza with it the next stanza is a poor expression of the thought that could not be expressed accurately with words. This is usually accompanied with "I" to indicate deep reflection of the self on my part. But, as I use it here; "And yet... would I choose not to know Perhaps... If not for my sin" I use it to indicate a revealing or truth that is difficult to express. Not necessarily because words fall short but because some truths are hard to admit and take time to come to terms with even when obvious. I occasionally use it to indicate a transition of time. This is in no way an excepted use of the ellipsis but I can't think of a better way to do so. In my poem "Whispers of Eternity" I begin and end with a current thought but in-between the first and last strophes are the events of the past that lead to the current thought. I do this by using the ellipsis on a line by itself. I have used it to indicate a pause but I think I'm done using it that way except in the use of a transition of time. I think the blank line works best to indicate a pause. "What if" is a game I love to play but this wasn't really a "what if" write, or rather, I didn't want it to be. It comes from the viewpoint of the lonely when so lonely that even the truth is no longer feared. I had hoped that "and yet" would move this far enough away from "what if" that the feel would not occur to the reader. On the other hand it is always refreshing to encounter a mind that makes these leaps despite my attempts to disguise them. I think you will also like "Walk the Shadows"; darkstarpoetry.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=sick&thread=8718&page=1
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Post by LonelyForsaken on May 13, 2013 15:52:03 GMT -5
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