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Dark Star Poetry Forum

Dark Star Poetry : Forum :: Poetry :: Tainted Hearts :: Rain
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AuthorTopic: Rain (Read 109 times)
bloodtrails
Crimson Soul
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Inside your mind



Joined: Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 134
Rain
« Thread Started on Sept 23, 2009, 2:26am »		[Quote]

Rain




To all the hearts that broke in vain
i bow faithfully in shame
the shame to call your name....

To all the tears that no one stopped
i shall bleed to fill the gap
the gap between all hearts...

To all the dreams that never last
i will seal my nights to past
the past elapsed to dust...

To all of you stuck in between
reality and painful dreams
i offer my heart for your screams
an empty coffin for your sins
and drink your sorrow through your grins

i envy all of you in pain
i envy lust and putrid sane
i envy all of that remains
the dust collected from restrain
i owe you all and give you stains
to match your pouring eyes of rain.
« Last Edit: Sept 23, 2009, 2:27am by bloodtrails »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
Follow the red Blood trails....
Anita
Demon Disciple
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Take The Hurt To The Core Of My Heart and Feel it Bleeding, Pounding,Coming Apart.


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Joined: Jan 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 314
Re: Rain
« Reply #1 on Oct 5, 2009, 5:51am »		[Quote]
:o :o :o

Are you freaking kidding me!!! I am officially your biggest fan ;D
No seriously, one of your best writes EVER!
« Last Edit: Oct 5, 2009, 5:52am by Anita »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
[MpB:http://i49.tinypic.com/4vivr7.jpg]http://the-darkside-ofme.blogspot.com/
bloodtrails
Crimson Soul
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Inside your mind



Joined: Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 134
Re: Rain
« Reply #2 on Nov 5, 2009, 1:45pm »		[Quote]

Oct 5, 2009, 5:51am, Anita wrote:
:o :o :o

Are you freaking kidding me!!! I am officially your biggest fan ;D
No seriously, one of your best writes EVER!

I didn't respond to this because of its overwhelming thought.
I hope i won't disappoint you,
my hand is officially your slave.
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Follow the red Blood trails....
Moonlitface
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Re: Rain
« Reply #3 on Dec 2, 2009, 7:19pm »		[Quote]
"i offer my heart for your screams
an empty coffin for your sins
and drink your sorrow through your grins"
I completely enjoyed this line. It flows nicely.
Your point is well stated. I enjoy sonnets. -I know this wasn't a sonnet- maybe connect your stanzas some how. That's the best advice I can give, everything else was great. =)
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definit
Crimson Soul
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Joined: Feb 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 108
Location: Toronto, Canada
Re: Rain
« Reply #4 on Dec 4, 2009, 12:52pm »		[Quote]
Yo man. this is ill! Impressive even!!
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- If I can't bend Heaven, I shall move Hell! -
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